No doubt you have read in the print news media or heard over the government-regulated airwaves that a certain former mayor threatened bicyclists who bicycle in snowy weather with being taken out and shot."
Paul Soglin got headline news coverage in the "mainstream media." Yes, the same mainstream media John Nichols has been warning us against. It's what the public relations experts call "earned media" for his blog. Free press.
I know, the threat is patently implausible. After all, Soglin is a sworn enemy of the Second Amendment. He has no guns. He can't shoot anything but his mouth. And bicyclists are more powerful than WEAC and WMC combined. They own Progressive Dane and PD has got their back. Soglin knows that, which is why he will keep his powder (Johnson & Johnson) dry.
But am I jealous? Green with envy! In a renewable, biodegradable sort of way.
It got ol' Dave to thinking, which occurs infrequently but at the oddest moments. It tells Blaska's Blog that he has to threaten bodily harm to people who piss him off. I can do that. And doing that might get me on the wire services, maybe even Anderson Cooper's spin show (360 degrees).
A little notoriety never hurt anyone. Hell, it got Al Sharpton Saturday Night Live. With the uptick in business, I can sell ads on my blog -- maybe even corporate sponsorship. That's the ticket! "The friendly folks at Halliburton present Blaska's Blog."
"Speaking of offing your enemies, stop by your local Blackwater USA dealership."
And "taken out and shot" is too derivative, so I am going to ... Oh, is it time for the press conference? Has Tony Galli arrived? How about John Colbert?
My public service
Then we're ready to begin.
Thanks for coming out on such a snowy evening. You have your press packets in front of you. Help yourself to the beer and cold cuts. Let me know if you need tickets to the game.
Today, Blaska's Blog is announcing a new crusade.
It's snowing, it's getting dark, everyone's windshield wipers are various degrees of streaky and yet there are still idiots driving without their headlights on. I know, headlights don't help you see. But they help you be seen. If your wipers are working so should be your headlights.
That is my crusade: in inclement weather, use your headlights and [here comes the money shot] anyone who doesn't should be...
[A bound and gagged Meals on Wheels volunteer driver gets dunked as the cameras whirr and click.]
Thank you. I'll take questions now but I warn you, don't piss me off. Him? He'll be alright.
I've always been told that doing good deeds makes the doer feel good. Now I know what they mean. If I can just make the Madison area a safer place to live by waterboarding certain individuals, well, you don't have to thank me. Just give me some PR. It's spelled "Blaska's Blog."