My dearest heart went Christmas shopping at one of the local emporiums (no, not the Emporium, now long vanished) the very day after Thanksgiving, along with the rest of Dane County. She just returned this afternoon, much the worse for wear. I was beginning to worry about her.
Your genial blogmeister, meanwhile, refuses to venture out of Chateau Blaska during this season of blessed madness -- not while he has a working credit card, an Internet connection, and a flagon of Maker's Mark whiskey tumbled over a glassful of ice. Now there's the Christmas spirit!
While my love was being mauled by the mob, I completed my holiday gift list by obtaining something more dear than the common dross available to the hoi polloi. I have cornered my share of the market of a true collector's item, a specimen of which one day will be ensconced on a velvet baize under a halogen spotlight at the Smithsonian. There is a reason why Blaska's Blog today is more satisfied than, as Twain said, a Christian holding aces.
For I am giving this blessed Christmas the gift that keeps on giving: a Hillary Nutcracker, sweet.
This testament to American know-how is an 8-inch figurine of Sen. Hillary Clinton in all her pantsuit, walnut-crunching glory, with steel-lined thighs strong enough to pulverize even the hardest nuts.
As more than one website claims:
Her stainless steel thigh teeth will pulverize any nut that stands in her way to the White House.
Now, Kyle, you are going to have to behave if you expect to get one of these from Santa Blaska in your stocking. More likely, if Ruben Mamoulian is on task, the UW power plant on Charter Street may be missing a few lumps of coal come Christmas morning.
Blaska's Blog consumer alert!
You can pay almost $30 for these fine gifts and it would be well worth it but here is one web site that offers the merchandise for $20, plus shipping.
You may wish to download this catchy tune complete with Iran's nutcase, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, getting it on.