Hey, kids, it's me, Mr. Right, advice columnist extraordinaire. With latex gloves on, I've been sifting through your responses to Passive/Aggressive, the female university student who has this lifelong fantasy of 'having a man completely under my control during sex.' P/A emphasized that the guys in her fantasies don't want to be there. They're afraid, even try to get away, but eventually succumb to her who's-the-boss charm. And she wondered whether she's off-the-charts weird: 'Will I ever have a 'normal' sex life?' I then posed a question of my own: Is it different when a woman has a fantasy about raping a man than when a man has a fantasy about raping a woman?
Here are your responses. The first one, by the way, will have to stand in for all the ones I got from men who, out of the kindness of their hearts, would be more than willing to help P/A with her problem. I didn't know whether to tell these guys to get a grip or get a room. But no, gentlemen, I can't hook you up with her.
I just had to write to you, P/A. Let me tell you a few things. 1) You're TOTALLY normal. Many women have this fantasy, including me. 2) Just because the men in your fantasies are trying to get away doesn't mean you actually want to rape or hurt anyone. 3) There are a lot of men who fantasize about GIVING that kind of control to a woman. So, the next time you're in bed with someone, just bring it up. I've never met a man who said no to this! It's called 'role play,' and that's all it is: play!
Into Yes Men
As an experienced Domme, my opinion is that there is no difference whatsoever between a man's rape fantasy and a woman's. They're both just that, fantasies. So P/A is not 'off-the-charts weird.' (Check out alt.com to see what kind of things are going on out there.) And she's quite capable of having a 'normal' sex life if she believes her desires are normal and plays them out in a safe, consensual way. She should try out some of her fantasies with a consensual partner using safe D/s (dominant/submissive) guidelines. As an aside, since she's a student, I would recommend she look for finance majors. The great majority of my subs work in that area. Show me a CFO, and I'll show you a little boy who wants to be spanked.
Is it different for a man and for a woman? Short answer: yes. How? It's different because there are fundamental differences in the way men and women react to sexual aggression. When a woman encounters a man who won't take 'no' for an answer, she finds his advances frightening and decidedly non-arousing. As well she should! (There may be some hard-core female masochists out there, but they're a tiny majority.) When a man encounters a woman who won't take 'no' for an answer, he finds it sexy, as long as she's at least mildly attractive.
P/A's letter made me chuckle, because she's in an extremely enviable position. Just about every guy in the world would be perfectly willing to role-play this fantasy with her, and some would outright beg for the opportunity. When you get right down to it, an erection is implied consent. And there's hardly a man alive who would press charges, nor a jury that would convict. That may not sound very PC, but it's the honest truth.
An Honest Man
If you're at least mildly attractive, write to: MR. RIGHT, ISTHMUS, 101 KING ST., MADISON, WI 53703. OR CALL 251-1206, EXT. 152. OR E-MAIL MRRIGHT@ISTHMUS.COM.