I have two questions for you. Both of them are information-type questions that I'm sure you could whip off in your sleep. And I suppose I could look up the answers myself on the Web, but I'm too lazy. Question One: The phrase 'reverse cowgirl' keeps coming up on TV, and I'm pretty sure it's a sexual position, but nobody I've asked knows exactly which sexual position it is or why it's called that. Please inform. Question Two: Are there any pornaoke outlets around here? I'd like to give it a try.
Urban Cowboy: Well, it's nice to know there are still people out there who consider typing in a couple of words, then clicking on the relevant Web sites, an unreasonable demand on their time, especially given the Web's capacity to supply photographs, if not video. They say a picture's worth a thousand words. Here come the thousand words....
Reverse cowgirl is, indeed, a sexual position, the name derived from the porn industry, where the very idea of a woman riding a horse has an extra droplet of piquancy. The horse, in this case, is the man, who lies on his back in a way that might appeal to you, Cowboy, given your aversion to putting yourself out. The woman (or, as the case might be, other man) then mounts the man (or, as the case might be, woman with a strap-on dildo) by crouching over his penis while facing away from him, then sitting on his penis while facing away from him, then bouncing up and down on his penis while facing away from him, until one of them finally cries 'Whoa, horsey!'
That could well be the man, since this is one of those sexual positions that, should the woman get all carried away and, say, reach down to suck on the man's toes, could land him in the ER, his glow stick bent to the breaking point. When it comes to penile geometry, acute angles are best, right angles are doable, though a little iffy, and the very thought of oblique angles just sent a shiver up my spine. But that's one of the glories of reverse cowgirl: The cowgirl has control of the reins. She says 'giddyup,' she sets the pace, she determines when the ride is over. Some men don't like handing over control like that. My advice to them: Shut up and eat your oats.
Reverse cowgirl is also known as 'the Queen's position,' for obvious reasons, and as 'reverse Amazon,' for equally obvious reasons. The porn industry, in renaming it, undoubtedly liked the ride-'em-cowgirl associations. But what porn directors like about the position itself is that it allows the presumably heterosexual-male consumer to indulge in a full-frontal view of the woman without having to indulge in a full-frontal view of the man (except for that thing she's bouncing up and down on). Why this should matter is beyond me. Then again, I'm more into Lotus, T-square and what the Kama Sutra so delicately refers to as 'the inverted cow.'
As for pornaoke outlets around here, there are none that I know of. Pornaoke, for those of you who haven't partook, is like karaoke, only instead of songs there are clips from porno flicks, and instead of supplying the words you supply the moans and groans (and words, if called for). It's kind of like one of those old dubbed-into-English Godzilla movies, only Godzilla has a woody. And it's supposedly more cheesy than sleazy ' a party game that, if you ask me, beats the hell out of charades. Perhaps a local bar or club will soon institute a Pornaoke Night, thereby providing us with an opportunity to do our own small part in bringing about the decline of Western civilization.
To supply the moos for my inverted cow, write to: MR. RIGHT, ISTHMUS, 101 KING ST., MADISON, WI 53703. OR CALL 251-1206, EXT. 152. OR E-MAIL MRRIGHT@ISTHMUS.COM.