I'm a student at the university, and in almost all ways I'm a perfectly normal person. I grew up in a small town, I got good grades, I went to church regularly, and I dated one guy throughout high school. He went to college out of state, and we are no longer together, but we stay in touch. During the three years I've been here, I've been with only two guys, and they were both pleasant enough people, but neither 'relationship' went very far, and it felt to me like something was missing. By the way, I slept with them. It's not something I'm ashamed of, but neither was it something I particularly enjoyed. In both cases, I wound up missing my old boyfriend, who I'd had a lot of experience with.
I'll cut to the chase. With my old boyfriend, who was one year younger than me, I was the aggressor. Neither of us had had any sexual experiences when we started going out, and I just sort of assumed the role of the dominant one. I won't go into the details, but let's just say I really like calling the shots. What's weird is that I'm not really that way in other parts of my life. I tend to be kind of receding. And with the two guys I've seen since I got here, I found myself playing this passive role because they both sort of took charge. I never mentioned anything about this to either of them, but I know it contributed to how I felt about them. I didn't feel like an equal partner. Both of them dropped me, but they must have sensed I was ready to be dropped.
Here's where things get weird and really personal. For as long as I can remember, I've had this fantasy about having a man completely under my control during sex. In fact, I'm pretty sure I had it even before I hooked up with my high school boyfriend. The fantasy has varied over time, but one element is always there: He's tied up. I wouldn't even know how to tie a decent knot in real life, but in my fantasy life I'm like this superwoman who goes out and gets what she wants. The men I get it from have varied over time as well: movie or TV stars, guys from my classes. Usually, it's like this composite guy who has a little bit of everything I'm looking for in a man. Looks are important, but it's more about the way he carries himself. I like shy guys.
I need you to understand something. These guys don't want to be there. They're afraid. They even try to get away. But eventually they come around and start enjoying themselves. I just don't want you to think that this is some vanilla-fudge fantasy I have going here. It seems like a true rape fantasy to me. And I don't really feel comfortable with that, but mostly what I feel is concern that I'm never going to find someone who's going to totally satisfy me unless he's into some very kinky role-playing. And so I ask you, Mr. Right: Do you think I'm off-the-charts weird? Do you think I'm capable of having a 'normal' sex life? Do you think fantasies reveal who we truly are? And do you think I should do something to rid myself of mine?
I haven't ever told anyone about this before, so I'd appreciate it if you disguised my name somehow.
Passive/Aggressive
Passive/Aggressive: While passing this one on to my dear, dear readers, I'd like to pose the question thusly: Is it different when a woman has a fantasy about raping a man than when a man has a fantasy about raping a woman? How?
To rope me in, write to: MR. RIGHT, ISTHMUS, 101 KING ST., MADISON, WI 53703. OR CALL 251-1206, EXT. 152. OR E-MAIL MRRIGHT@ISTHMUS.COM.
