Wasn't it Norman Mailer who said that fake blondes are the real blondes because they've chosen to have more fun? Andrew Van Slee's Totally Blonde tries to take that idea and run with it, but this self-described "heartwarming romantic indie comedy" doesn't get very far. (Imagine a dumb-blonde joke told by a dumb blonde. That's what it feels like.) Krista Allen is Meg Peters, an extremely nerdy, extremely buxom brunette who, thanks to Clairol, becomes an extremely nerdy, extremely buxom blonde. The difference is that men are suddenly crawling all over her ' in particular, Van (Michael Buble), a nightclub owner/singer who likes Meg for who she is (a nerd?), and Brad (Brody Hutzler), a sun-and-fun hunk who's as dumb as a post.
Hutzler, who must have studied at the Bill and Ted School of Acting, is actually the one bright spot in this dim-bulb affair ' enjoyably dumb. But Allen's surgically enhanced performance has her coming off like a porn star ' annoyingly dumb. That leaves Buble, who seems to be channeling Harry Connick Jr., which makes him a Frank Sinatra impersonator impersonator. Independent only by virtue of its financing, Totally Blonde doesn't have an authentic hair on its head.