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Santabot returns for another season of drunken robotic rage! View photos the bands, elves and mayhem at Destroy All Christmas V.
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Merry effing Xmas!
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A wicked snowman keeps guard of the Droids Attack setlist at Destroy All Christmas V.
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Naughty elf Kitty LaRue of Foxy Veronica's Peach Pies doles out presents at Destroy All Christmas V.
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Naughty elves Kitty LaRue and Moxie Rhodes of Foxy Veronica's Peach Pies dole out presents at Destroy All Christmas V.
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God Came From Above
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Cheerful lights proclaim 'Happy Holidays' at The Frequency.
To many of us here in Madison, Christmas is a symbol of a number of things we'd prefer to avoid: church services, children's choirs, two-ton fruitcake and the soul-crushing stress of gifting. Luckily, local stoner-metal outfit Droids Attack has created just the antidote: a yearly celebration called "Destroy All Christmas."
The Frequency hosted the fifth incarnation of the event on Saturday, in which Droids Attack replaced the two-ton fruitcake with 3 Piston Asshammer a hard-rocking trio out of Rockford, and made mincemeat out of carolers with headbanger hymns such as "Dope Smuggler" and "Malachi Crunch," which worship Black Sabbath and Motörhead rather than a thumb-sucking Jesus.
Though these songs have laid the groundwork for some memorable concerts earlier in the year -- notably at the Forward Music Festival, where the band shared the stage with Killdozer and Heroine Sheiks -- as well as a well-received full-length album (last year's Fatal/Error, which reached number 34 on FMQB's Pure Spins metal chart in October, right behind a new offering by Testament), they took on a whole new level of cheek in the context of holiday-bashing. In fact, the annihilate-Christmas vibe was so addictive that the crowds grew over the course of the five-hour party rather than diminishing as the clock approached bartime on the chilly Saturday night.
Before Droids Attack hit the stage, Dick The Bruiser and God Came From Above got fans fist-pumping as a pair of "naughty elves" -- Moxie Rhodes and Kitty LaRue of local caburlesque troupe Foxy Veronica's Peach Pies, decked out in jingle bells -- worked the crowd, doling out sweet treats (Strawberry Newtons, straight from the package) with sour faces. God Came From Above ripped into a set dubbed a "stocking stuffer from Satan" and thrashed around the ridiculous stage decorations -- "Destroy All X-mas" stockings, cardboard snowmen and giant plastic candy canes -- until a skunky smell filled the room, driving the crowd to the bar until the next set.
After the stink bomb dissipated, the elves rounded up fans to compete in a candy cane-eating contest. Flaunting a bit of pure evil, they handed out foot-long rods of the candy, then informed the contestants that they were not allowed to use their hands. Those who survived the hazing received sought-after gifts from Dollar General: creepy snowman doorknob covers and a copy of Somewhere Tomorrow, a 1983 film starring a thoroughly unglamorous, pre-Sex in the City Sarah Jessica Parker.
Droids Attack continued the Secret Santa-gone-wrong theme, opening their set by hurling a variety of sharp-edged packages at the audience. After dodging the gift storm, fans discovered they were the new owners of miniature plastic bowling sets, Grim Reaper superballs and, of course, death-metal CDs.
The band gritted their teeth, launched into some heavy power chords, and blasted the room with a set that would melt the face off of Kris Kringle himself. Meanwhile, the band's robot -- a signature of their live shows -- roamed the crowd in Santa gear, giving the finger to anyone showing too much holiday cheer.