Yowza! It has been a whirlwind week of headlines, so let's get started.
The big news this week was that Pope Benedict XVI hung up the miter and smashed the ring to become the first pontiff to collect retirement benefits in some six centuries. I understand that before he left, he made a tearful speech before Vatican staff in which he said, in Latin of course, "Others may hate you, but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself." Then he stood on the top step of his helicopter and gave a big "V" for victory sign with both arms extended and disappeared.
Pope Emeritus Benedict says that he'll be a "simple pilgrim" in his summer residence, the Castel Gandolfo, which is described by the Vatican as follows: "The properties which make up the villas include the Papal Palace (comprising also the Vatican Observatory), the Barberini Palace, apartment housing for 21 employees, an electrical plant, offices, farm buildings and animal stables." Nice digs for a pilgrim.
In the world of sports, Guido, the Milwaukee Brewers' racing Italian sausage went missing for awhile. He was seen bar hopping in Milwaukee and then late this week a couple guys dropped off the costume at another watering hole with the admonition to the bar tender "you didn't see anything." This leaves lots of questions. Did the perpetrators case the joint before making off with the costume? Was this a one sausage job or are there links to the other racing wieners? Was it a professional job or were the perps just a bunch of young brats?
Sticking with the Milwaukee theme -- or more to the point, St. Louis -- a group of brave beer drinkers has filed a class action suit against Budweiser claiming that they water down their products. They claim that they have an inside source who reveals that the 5% alcohol content advertised on the can of Bud Light is really more like 4.7%. Finally, a group of men who know what is important in life and what is worth fighting for. Fight on, brave men. Your cause is our cause!
Finally, the day of the sequester has arrived. Didn't the Stones write a song about that?
I don't want no sequestration
I don't want no forced vacations
Planes won't fly
We can't pay a GI
Boehner won't cry
Obama just sighs
But I don't want no sequestration
Pay, pay, pay
That's what I say
When I'm out at a really nice restaurant
And I can't have just what I want
I'm just trying to eat some meat
But the inspectors are furloughed for a week
So I'll come back maybe next week
Cause you see I'm on a sequestration streak
I don't want no sequestration!
That's all I've got for now. Have a good weekend kids.