Excuse the absence: I've had a solid month-plus of Clark-Kent duty. Did I miss anything while I was away?
Just as I'm getting back in the swing of things, we're hit with twin bombshells of Michael Jackson's death and Sarah Palin (remember her? She changed Wisconsin from Blue to Red!) choosing to move Alaska forward by quitting.
It was hard to have to deal with the simultaneous Jackson and Palin story lines as they were developing. On the one hand, you had an entertaining figure with a towering degree of narcicism, whose nominal level of talent was clearly overblown, who lived in a bubble outside of reality, who gave interviews that made America cringe and who came to an untimely end of which the media can't stop talking about.
And on the other hand you have Michael Jackson.
Poor Sarah Palin. She was the most mistreated woman ever to engage in national politics - that is, if you disregard everything said about Hillary Clinton from January 1, 1992 to September 1, 2008. Nobody ever talked openly on cable news and AM talk radio about Sarah Palin being a lesbian or a maneater or someone who had her lover/lawyer murdered. Remember the nutcracker, Dave?
"Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno."
And that pales in comparison to the ugliness Rush Limbaugh and his ilk heaped on her during the 90's. So get a Shamwow and mop up those crocodile tears, wingnuts.
One of the big problems of our liberal paradise in Madison is the issue of moral equivalence - the use of situational morality which is determined by the conditions on a case-by-case basis. It's not helping our community. It's not helping our troubled neighborhoods. What we need is to show everybody the clear line in the sand! Some things are always right, some things are always wrong no matter the circumstances.
Fortunately, The Daily Page hired a moral arbiter with a clear vision to point out what's always wrong. And after the murder of Karamee Collins, Jr. last month he pointed the finger of moral certitude - at the victim. From June 19th:
"The shooting victim, at 17, was already an absentee father. The victim's father, at 37, a grandfather!"
So there you go: 17-year-olds being parents. Out-of-wedlock. Bad. We got it. And it would have a bit more authority if this arbiter didn't gushingly post this past September 4th:
"But here what the libs do not, cannot, understand about Bristol Palin's baby, which is everything:
- The mother will not abort it.
- The father will do the right thing and be a husband and a father. (Did you notice him standing by her side?)
- The family will coalesce around the young family and that, as a result,
- The newborn will not grow up to wild in the streets or do crack cocaine.
- That conservatives believe in family and responsibility, yes, even when there are "mistakes."
- That this is the essence of the pro-life movement - support for life, opposition to the culture of death.
Can 'community organizer' Barack Obama write a more compelling narrative? Maybe in his next book."
By the way, that "The father will do the right thing" thing worked out great!
More from The Party of Family Values
Before Sarah Palin competed in the IQuiterod, we had Mark Sanford of South Carolina "hiking the Appalachian Trail". This hasn't been a good summer for advertising the positive effects that come when Republicans occupy the state house. Say what you want about Jim Doyle, his behavior never has and probably never will rival the weirdness that's emanating from the Republican Party.
And to that end, Scott "I promise to do to Wisconsin what I did to Milwaukee County" Walker delivered a one-two punch a couple weeks ago to the idea that he'll be different than the moral equivocators like Sanford when he had serial adulterer Newt Gingrich raise funds for him and also picked up the endorsement of serial adulteress Jessica McBride.
Memo to Mrs. Walker - if Jessica wants to interview Scott, don't leave him alone in the room with her.
And Even More From the Party of Family Values
The hits just keep coming! As if there weren't enough differences between Democrats and Republicans...Nevada Senator John Ensign, while representing Republican Senators in the arena of bizarre and scandalous behavior by cheating on his wife with a member of his staff, is reported to have responded to the potential news leaking by manning up and having Mommy and Daddy pay $98,000 to his mistress. In these difficult times, as America claws its way out of the Bush economic disaster, who among us wouldn't consider having sex with John Ensign for a hundred large?
And this is a story that's going to get more fun as time progresses. Keep an eye on the details surrounding Senator Tom Coburn. He allegedly advised Ensign to pay off the mistress but now says he won't provide any testimony on the affair, saying:
"I was counseling him as a physician [Spin City's emphasis] and as an ordained deacon. ... That is privileged communication that I will never reveal to anybody. Not to the Ethics Committee, not to a court of law, not to anybody."
The punchline? Coburn's an OB/Gyn.
Say it with me: Senator Al Franken of Minnesota. And a hearty "so long for now" to former 60's radical, tooth model, and overall useless sack of crap Norm Coleman. He's now lost elections to a former wrestler and a former comedian. When he runs next, somebody should find a retired hockey player to go up against him. What's Brett Hull doing these days?
My favorite detail in this story came a couple days ago when the Minnesota Republican Party had to cut Senator Franken a check for $95,000 to cover his legal fees from Coleman's frivolous legal challenge. That's almost as much money as John Ensign's parents pay for his illicit trysts!