Dear Tell All: My boyfriend is a great guy: thoughtful, loving, creative, funny, smart and — the cherry on top — a hunk. He’s perfect in all the categories that matter. But in small ways, he’s driving me crazy.
For starters, he doesn’t brush his teeth very well. I’m always aware of his bad breath, even when we’re not kissing or having sex. When we are kissing or having sex, I practically have to hold my breath to get into the proper mood.
His table manners also get on my nerves. He picks food out of the serving dish with his fingers. He chews loudly and isn’t aware when stuff gets on his face. He eats so quickly that he’s done almost before I get started, which creates an awkward dynamic for the remainder of the meal.
Finally, he has a set of annoying verbal tics. Whenever he likes a meal, he says “MMM, MMM, MMM!” Always the same three sounds, with the exact same intonation. Whenever he expresses amazement or dismay, he says, “Yipers!” I could on and on — he has about a dozen of these groan-inducing signature phrases.
I love my boyfriend, but I also fantasize about kicking him, punching him and screaming at him. Obviously, this isn’t a healthy way to live. Is there any future for me and this almost-perfect guy?
Miserable in Madison
Dear Miserable: You say you want to kick, punch, and scream at your boyfriend. There’s another option, conspicuously missing from your list: talking to him.
Granted, it’s difficult to confront a man about his annoying habits. He surely has no idea he’s driving you — and most likely others — to violent fantasies. He could get angry when you bring up the subject.
But you asked me if you have a future with this boyfriend. In my view, the only way to have a successful relationship with anyone is to hash out your differences. Those will always exist between two people, and you should feel lucky that yours are relatively minor. If your boyfriend is as thoughtful and loving as you say, he’ll hear you out and be sensitive to your feelings.
And brace yourself: He might take the opportunity to confront you about your own annoying habits.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
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