Dear Tell All: I’m dating a person who doesn’t have a lot to say in most situations. He’s your classic strong, silent type — a man of few words who projects integrity, toughness and a bit of mystery. Friends call us an odd couple because I’m just the opposite. I love to talk and feel uncomfortable with long silences.
Nevertheless, I’m attracted to this guy. I like everything about him except his tendency toward quiet. It helps that he really likes me, maybe because I provide the talk-talk-talk that he can’t manage himself. I find myself doing long monologues when we’re together. He rarely pipes up himself, so I just keep chattering.
There’s one exception, and that’s in the bedroom. It took about six months of dating, but he’s begun talking up a storm while we have sex. Sometimes he babbles endearments, sometimes sexual fantasies, and sometimes sheer nonsense that makes both of us laugh. I encourage him to keep talking with questions, comebacks and teasing comments.
I love it when my boyfriend opens up verbally in this way. But that only makes it harder to go back to the silent treatment in other parts of our relationship. How can I encourage him to communicate with me that freely in our everyday life?
Chatty Catherine
Dear Chatty: You might get results by responding to your boyfriend in everyday life the way you respond to him in bed. You give the impression of dominating most interactions with what you call “talk-talk-talk.” Is it possible he’s less a strong, silent type than a guy who can’t get a word in edgewise? Give serious thought to how your self-described “chattering” might be crowding him out of the conversation.
In the bedroom, by contrast, you describe yourself as encouraging him to speak with questions, comebacks and teasing comments. It’s no surprise that your active approach to give-and-take is loosening his lips during sex. Try the same approach in other contexts, and you might just have a chatterbox on your hands.
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