Dear Tell All: I’m graduating from UW-Madison this spring with a degree in history, and I don’t have a firm plan for my future. I’m considering graduate school beginning in 2019, but I’m not sure in what area. There are no obvious jobs for someone just out of college with a bachelor’s degree in history, so I was thinking of moving back in with my parents in Madison. I’d work in some kind of service-industry job, save money, and plot my next steps.
I hadn’t gotten around to discussing this idea with my parents, but I assumed I could move back into my room if I wanted to. Imagine my surprise when I went home for dinner recently and saw that they’d turned it into storage space. My bed was still there, but it was hemmed in by plastic containers full of clothes, papers, supplies, etc. The message was clear: You’re not allowed to live in this space anymore.
I was hurt, but I didn’t say anything about it that night. Nor did they say anything about it to me. I can only assume that the room takeover was their way of communicating that I have to move into my own place and support myself after graduation.
Both my parents got technical degrees that immediately translated into well-paying jobs, and both of them are very practical. I don’t think they ever approved of my history major, so this could well be their way of saying “You made your bed, now lie in it.”
I’ve been mulling over whether to fight back or to silently and proudly move on with my life. What would you suggest?
Straight A
Dear Straight A: I wouldn’t pick a fight with your parents, and I wouldn’t silently and proudly move on. There’s a third option neither you nor your parents have considered: discussing the situation like mature adults.
Your parents may be well-paid professionals, but I’m not impressed by their passive-aggressive way of sending you a message. A better approach would be to openly talk with you about your options for a successful post-college life.
Since they seem incapable of acting like grownups, the job falls to you. Sit your parents down and explain that you feel disappointed by their method of edging you out of the house. Discuss your ideas for your future and admit to your current uncertainties. If they have any empathy to go along with those technical brains, they’ll understand that your stage of life is often marked by confusion and struggle.
Given that you signed yourself “Straight A,” I assume you succeeded in college. That means the odds are good you’ll succeed in your career, whatever it turns out to be. Hopefully your parents will decide to help you figure it out rather than punishing you for not yet knowing.
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