Dear Tell All: My girlfriend and I met at UW-Madison last fall, and this summer we made plans to meet each other’s parents — a sign that things are getting serious. I’m starting to think this is the love of my life.
Our first trip was to my house in Minneapolis. I’d warned my girlfriend that my parents are pretty formal, which I now regret. It made her extremely nervous. On the way, she kept grilling me about what she should and shouldn’t do, what she should and shouldn’t say. I tried to reassure her that it didn’t matter, but the damage had been done.
By the time we got to my house, my girlfriend was a wreck, and that put me on edge, too. My parents welcomed her warmly, but I could tell she was off her game. She seemed stilted, not herself, and I wondered if we’d get through the day without a disaster.
We didn’t.
For dinner, my dad grilled hamburgers. At the table, my girlfriend took a few bites and got this thing on her face—a blob of ketchup, meat and whatever. She began talking, not realizing she needed to a use a napkin.
The thing just stayed there throughout the meal, and I didn’t know what to do. I prayed she’d wipe it away, but that never happened. My parents did their best trying not to look at it.
After the meal my girlfriend went to the bathroom and discovered the thing. She came out looking stricken, and when we finally got off by ourselves she hissed at me for letting her make a fool of herself. I insisted it wasn’t my fault, but two weeks later she’s still mad at me.
So please settle this argument: What’s the right thing to do when your partner has a thing on her face at your parents’ house?
Means Well
Dear Means Well: You are technically correct that it wasn’t your fault. Each individual is charged with the proper use of a napkin, and in this case your girlfriend fell down on the job. She needs to take responsibility for her own face.
But for a relationship to work, being technically correct isn’t good enough. Let your girlfriend know that you’re interested in preventing another such embarrassment by working out a set of signals. If either one of you has a thing on your face in public, agree to whisper something, or to pantomime a napkin, or to allow a playful wipe from the other person.
I know you said this might be the love of your love, but if it can’t survive ketchup, it probably wasn’t meant to be.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
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