Dear Tell All: My life is over. This fall, my beloved daughter heads off to college in California.
My husband and I have been dreading this day for years. She’s our only child, and the project of raising her has created a wonderful bond between us. We’ve loved every stage, from infant to toddler to tween to teenager. She’s caused us very little trouble, and I believe we’ve had a particularly close family of three.
Her departure very much feels like “The End.” She’s excited about her new adventure, which makes me think she’s not exactly heartbroken about leaving us. By contrast, my husband and I see only lonely days and nights for us. Without the constant concerns of childrearing, what will we have to talk about? Without school and club functions to attend, what will we have to do?
Tell All, I can’t bear my child leaving for college! The phrase “empty nest” always had a mournful ring to it, and I’m afraid that nest will be a very sad place to live for the rest of my life.
Mother Hen
Dear Mother Hen: I’d suggest calming down and having a drink, except that I’m sure you’d only gaze at the glass and consider it half-empty. You’ve described every downside of your child heading off to college without acknowledging any of the upsides.
Most important is the fact that she’s excited about going. You insist on seeing this as evidence that she can’t wait to get away from you, but what if it’s really a sign that she’s achieving maturity right on schedule? You should be happy that your style of helicopter parenting (just guessing here) didn’t trample her spirit.
I mean, what would you prefer? That she’d be too timid to leave the nest? I’d say you’re better off with an independent daughter than one who ends up hiding in your attic throughout college and beyond.
As much as you’d like to stop the march of time, Mother Hen, you never will. Instead, I’d recommend getting in step with it. Rather than seeing this is “The End,” how about starting your own new chapter as your daughter starts hers? Take the opportunity to reconnect with your husband, rethink your free time, revitalize your friendships.
And the good news is, you can get started in an easy-to-manage three-month interval. Before you know it, your daughter will be home for Thanksgiving.
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