Dear Tell All: I’m dating a guy who’s polite in almost every way. He’s big on “please” and “thank you,” and he holds open doors for me. He calls waitresses “ma’am” when we go out for dinner. He always makes a point of showing interest in my life, and he remembers what I tell him. After I mentioned passing that Gail Ambrosius chocolates are my favorite Madison treat, he showed up with four boxes for my birthday.
The only downside of his politeness is a slight reserve. He’s not the type to cut loose, act silly or do something spontaneous. That also means he never does anything stupid, and I like that quality in a guy, even if things sometimes get a bit boring in the bedroom.
So what’s the problem? As I said, my boyfriend is polite in almost every way. The one weird exception involves his dog, a mutt I’ll call “Buster” to protect everyone’s identity. The first time I went to his apartment, Buster hurtled toward me like a guided missile. The dog leaped into my face so hard my teeth rattled. Then he proceeded to press his paws against my chest and aggressively lick me on the lips.
I laughed — at first. But Buster wouldn’t leave me alone, and my boyfriend did nothing to stop him. He slobbered on me, frantically gnawed my hands, and left smelly hair all over my clothes. I made a subtle call for help, to no avail.
This scene has repeated itself many times. Buster is the most obnoxious dog I’ve ever met, and I’m mystified that my polite boyfriend sets the beast loose to maul houseguests. I don’t want to tell him what to do, but it’s making me reluctant to go to his apartment.
I’m also rethinking the relationship. Should I stick with a guy who comes with 50 pounds of slobbering baggage?
Petite
Dear Petite: I’d say you and your boyfriend are made for each other. You seem as polite and reserved as he is, judging from your “subtle” call for help during Buster’s first attack. In the same situation, many of us would scream, “Get this damned mutt out of my grill!”
Your reserve also shows in the line “I don’t want to tell him what to do.” There’s a simple solution here, Petite: Tell him what to do. Make it clear that you don’t like Buster and insist that he be controlled in your presence. If your boyfriend is as solicitous as you say, he will immediately buy a leash and muzzle.
How to explain Buster? The Freudian in me would suggest that the dog acts as a kind of compensation for your boyfriend’s buttoned-down personality. This is the revenge of his repressed wild side. The cool part is, it suggests hidden depths to explore in the bedroom while Buster is safely confined to another room in the house.
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