Dear Tell All: I’m a UW-Madison student from Milwaukee who’s finishing up a great freshman year. I feel like I learned a ton and also matured personally. The only bad thing about the year has been the guy I got stuck with as a roommate.
He’s not a bad person, just clueless. He’s from northwestern Wisconsin and has different values than me, both politically and socially. He supported Trump, and I’ve learned that the subject is not worth discussing with him. He has an alternate set of facts that don’t match reality as I perceive it, so we get nowhere.
The way he talks to and about women makes my skin crawl. He sees them as sex objects or goddesses and has alienated lots of the female students in our residence hall with his clumsy comments. Unsurprisingly, he has almost no romantic experience, and I don’t see that changing any time soon.
It would be nice if I could get rid of this guy at the end of the year, but he thinks we’re good friends. I admit I’ve been polite and haven’t let on how much I dislike him — that’s just how I was raised. As a result, he’s talking about coming down to visit me over the summer, which is a terrifying thought. I don’t want to introduce him to my family or my Milwaukee friends, and I don’t want to hang out with him next year.
To be honest, I also don’t want to hurt his feelings, because I hate doing that to people. So what are my options?
Conflicted on Campus
Dear Conflicted: Your roommate hasn’t picked up on your distaste for him or the differences between you. Because he’s so clueless, you have only one option: hurting his feelings.
Kudos to your parents for teaching you to be polite, but politeness isn’t appropriate in every situation. If your roommate can’t take the hint that you don’t want him in Milwaukee, you’ll have to break the news more bluntly. The next time he brings it up, say, “I don’t think it will work out.” Hopefully that will be a strong enough hint. But if he presses it, you’ll just have to tell him the truth: “We don’t have much in common, and I don’t see a future for this friendship.”
Such brutal honesty may be awkward, Conflicted, but it’s the best thing for both of you. You mentioned that you’ve matured over the course of your freshman year, and this is another step along the path.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
Write Tell All, 100 State St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tellall@isthmus.com
