Dear Tell All: My son just finished his junior year at West High and needs to decide where to apply for college in the fall. His friends all have trips lined up to visit schools this summer, but my slacker son hasn’t lifted a finger. Even worse, he’s actively undermined my attempts to get this project moving.
I bought him “best colleges” reference books, but he won’t look at them. I made suggestions for schools he might like, but he doesn’t listen. Finally, I made up a tentative itinerary of campuses to visit in July and August, from Minnesota to Michigan to Ohio. He responded with a single word: “Chill.” That led to a screaming match.
You might not guess from this description that my son is an honor student. His grades and test scores would qualify him for an elite college, and that, in turn, would launch him into a good career. Not that he has any idea of what kind of work he’d like to pursue, of course.
Friends have told me to “leave him alone and let him figure it out on his own.” The problem is that he won’t. And through sheer inaction, he’ll blow his whole future. What’s a mother to do?
Throwing My Hands Up
Dear Throwing: I’m with your friends: Leave your son alone and let him figure it out on his own. Here are three good reasons.
- You have no choice. Your son has made it clear that he doesn’t want your input on this issue. Sorry to say, but at his age, he has the wherewithal to make that call, no matter how loudly you yell in the screaming match.
- Even if he misses out on going to college in 2019, he will not necessarily blow his whole future. Plenty of people take a gap year, whether consciously or accidentally. Some take several years and turn out just fine. Some don’t go to college at all and turn out just fine. Prediction: Your son will turn out just fine no matter what happens with college applications this fall.
- Like lots of kids, he’ll probably get moving in late summer or early fall. He’ll see his friends springing into action and won’t want to miss out. It sounds like he knows how to apply himself in high school, so when push comes to shove he’ll likely apply himself to college applications, too.
I hate to do this to you, Throwing, but here’s my final piece of advice: Chill. It’s too early for portents of doom, and you can reasonably expect that your honor student will get it together, whether sooner or later.
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