Dear Tell All: I can't believe Republican Rebecca Kleefisch is now Wisconsin's lieutenant governor after her crazy comments regarding same-sex marriage. "This is a slippery slope," she said in an interview. "In addition to that at what point are we going to okay marrying inanimate objects? Can I marry this table or this, you know, clock? Can we marry dogs? This is ridiculous. Biblically, again, I'm going to go right back to my fundamental Christian beliefs - marriage is between one man and one woman."
In other words, gay people aren't quite human, and their relationships no matter how committed, decent and loving - have no validity.
It's scary to know that our lieutenant governor sees her fellow ciizens in this sickening way.
Dear Flabbergasted: Hold on, now. Rebecca Kleefisch holds the number-two job in Wisconsin, so it's disrespectful to reject her opinions out of hand. Let's keep biases and politics out of this and examine her comments about gay marriage dispassionately.
Can people marry dogs? For generations, dogs have been called man's best friend, suggesting a platonic relationship. But as we all know, platonic relationships often turn into romantic ones. Notes are passed; eyelashes are batted. The next thing you know, you have your paws (so to speak) all over each other. Seen in this way, dog-human marriage is a distinct possibility, and just think of the cute little tuxedos at the wedding.
Can people marry clocks? This seems problematic, though clocks do have many worthy qualities, including steadfastness. They'd surely count the minutes until you came home each night.
Can people marry tables? Well, no. That's just silly.
But I'm glad we've had this discussion, and I look forward to at least four years of invigorating public-policy debate based on Lt. Gov. Kleefisch's "fundamental Christian beliefs."