Dear Tell All: I really like this guy in my dorm, and I think he likes me too. I've been giving him tons of signals, hoping he'll ask me out, but he doesn't seem to be getting the message. My friends all tell me I should take control and ask him, but I've never asked a boy out before. What if he says no?
Waiting in Witte
Dear Waiting: First of all, guys don't get signals. You can bat your eyes, flip your hair and shower him with innuendo, but you might as well be speaking Portuguese to a French poodle, for all the good it's going to do you. If you want a guy to know something, it's best to come right out and say it. The advice your parents gave you when you were two still applies: Use your words.
Twenty years from now - when your dorm days are yesterday's tweets and you're toiling away at an obscure, independent weekly in the Midwest, living vicariously through the lurid letters from your readers - you won't regret the things you've done. What you'll regret are the things that you didn't do because you didn't have the guts. In sterile cubicles across America, there are millions of middle-aged people who look back longingly at their college years, wishing they could live them over again with a little more self-confidence and assertiveness.
Don't be one of those people! Listen to your friends and just go for it. If this guy is worthy of your affection, he'll be flattered by your invitation, at the very least. And if he says no...no worries. On to the next conquest.
Dear Tell All: Does anyone actually use the barn door in men's underwear? I mean, seriously, when you want to take a whiz, don't you just unzip your pants, yank down your underwear and let 'er rip? Who has the time to dig around and pull his schlong out through all those barn-door folds? If you did, the guy standing at the urinal next to you would start wondering what all the writhing was about. And yet underwear makers keep cranking out undies with barn doors. Right? Are you with me?
Dear Wally: Too much information, Wally. Too much information.
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