Dear Tell All: Since I became sexually active a few years ago, I have only ever been able to "last" about two minutes of actual penetration in bed (I am a male). I've heard a lot about the "stop and go" method, but no girl I've been with enjoys the "stop" part, and it doesn't seem to bring any real "lasting" effects. Having never brought a girl to orgasm, I've developed some sort of inadequacy complex that, without fail, makes me begin worrying about my ejaculation as soon as coitus begins, which, I'm sure, only brings it faster. I'm convinced that most of my problem is that I think of myself as "premature." How can I get my body to let my mind (and my partner) enjoy sex?
Always Apologizing During Orgasms
Dear Always Apologizing: My mother always told me that no matter what the occasion, it's best to arrive early. Of course, she also told me that my very existence was the result of the pull-out method. You could make a few assumptions based on those two facts alone: 1) you probably shouldn't take sexual advice from my mother; 2) my father apparently did and came unfashionably early; 3) I was unplanned and unwanted.
So who cares about your problem! I was unplanned and unwanted!!! (Sorry, I've been feeling a bit fragile lately.)
Having personally lasted three minutes, I can tell you that you aren't missing much: everything that happens between minutes two and three is just more of the same. Now what happens after that is uncharted waters, so I can't help you there... although come to think of it, I have watched my share of porno movies, where guys can boink until the cows cum home. So I think I can confidently say that yeah, it's all more of the same.
I'm afraid there's isn't any miracle cure for your condition, but I do have a few suggestions. You mentioned that you had never brought a woman to orgasm. I hope you realize that there are other options besides intercourse. Bringing a woman to orgasm orally, for example, can be incredibly satisfying for the both of you. By extending foreplay, you can also take your partner right to the edge and then try penetration. That way she'll have a head start and you'll increase your chances of reaching orgasm together.
If your partner is understanding, why not embrace and thoroughly enjoy your first orgasm, no matter how quickly it comes? Then after you've given yourself some time to recover, you can start Act II, where you'll focus on pleasing her.
As a last resort, when you find yourself getting overly excited, it may help to think of something completely distracting, like famous economists. The more boring the topic, the less likely you'll be to lose your baby batter.
Ironically, I was thinking about sex during most of Econ 101, which explains why I get an odd tingling in my loins whenever I think of Alan Greenspan.
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