Dear Tell All: I'm a college junior. After barely having a single date since high school, I was starting to get pretty desperate. So when I went to a strip club this spring with a bunch of my buddies, I decided to do something crazy. I did just enough shots to be dangerous and then asked one of the dancers out. To my amazement, she said yes! We ended up leaving together at the end of her shift and spending an amazing night together.
Now it's two months later and I consider her my girlfriend. But here's the problem: I get more and more paranoid every time she goes to work. This girl is one of the hottest, sexiest women I have ever met, and it drives me crazy thinking of a bunch of losers at the bar paying her for lap dances. I can't stop thinking about it! I asked her to stop dancing, but she says the money is too good to quit. How can I make her stop without losing her?
John
Dear John: As a man, it is my Darwinian duty to say to you, "Dude! Awesome!!!"
You had the nerve to do what the rest of us weak-kneed ninnies only dreamed of during college: actually unroll the condom. The closest I got to sleeping with a nubile dancer while in school was watching a pirated copy of Flashdance alone in my bedroom while wearing my sister's leg warmers. But it's best not to dwell on that.
I'm sure a lot of the men reading this are thinking, "Dude, you're dating a stripper! What could be wrong with that?" You're living their fantasy. I mean, college semesters are long. They're a lot easier to endure when you have a gorgeous dancer to rub butts with. But the majority of the women reading this are thinking that you're the perfect example of everything that's wrong with men: shallow, superficial and possessive.
There's also a foreign student from Kazakhstan who's thumbing through this paper hoping to find someone who's selling a cow. (I don't mean this metaphorically; he really wants to buy a cow.)
I'm afraid I'm going to have to side with the ladies on this one. You went to a strip club to ogle at and hit on naked women. And now you're worried about other "losers" doing the same? That sounds pretty hypocritical to me. Good relationships are built on trust. So you need to be able to trust your girlfriend when you're not around, whether she's a stripper or a lumberjack.
I'm not condemning or condoning exotic dancing, but your girlfriend chose her profession, and it's her decision whether to quit or continue. You've already asked her once. What do you expect...her to stay home waiting for you, with her white apron and Tater Tots? What you really need to do is work on your jealousy. It's your only hope of making this relationship last long enough to raise little strippers of your own.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison? Write Tell All, 101 King St., Madison, WI, 53703. Or email tellall@isthmus.com.
