Thirteen years ago, something magical happened in Los Angeles. Tommy Wiseau’s debut film, The Room, was given a limited release, and the public was finally allowed to view this cinematic wonder. Not to be confused with the Brie Larson-led Room, this film is a trainwreck of universal proportions, featuring a bizarre and almost indiscernible performance from Wiseau himself as the lead, an incoherent script devoid of any natural humanity, musical chair-like actors who disappear or are completely replaced, and egregiously decadent (and out-of-focus) sex scenes filmed in a purely masturbatory fashion for the director-writer-producer-actor’s fiendish pleasure.
Word spread fast about this hot garbage, even though the original run only lasted two weeks. After receiving numerous emails and letters from fans, Wiseau hosted the first midnight screening of The Room in the summer of 2004, and oh boy was it a success. A year later, the film was released on DVD, chock full of extras, including interviews with Wiseau attempting to address some of the inconsistencies in the film to...middling results.
Over the years, fans of The Room have developed some fun tactics to make viewing this bad movie even better. I attended a screening at Union South many years ago. It was one of the best movie-going experiences of my life. My friend actually won a poster for the film, featuring Wiseau’s “evil man” face, with the droopy eye and puckered lips. With the upcoming Brew ’n’ View event at the Majestic Theatre on March 3, Madisonians will again have a chance to get in on the action.
If you’ve never seen The Room, I’d recommend watching it with a buddy or two at home beforehand. Going in cold to a group watch with props is not only going to produce sensory overload, but you won’t get the people around you and the things they’re doing. You’ve gotta know the beats. Know when to ready that football or that handful of plastic spoons.
Also, it would really help to see the three (!) sex scenes in the film. The movie is 99 minutes, with more than 10 minutes of sex scenes. The Room is 10% credits, 10% sex and weird nudity, and 100% bonkers. It’s readily apparent that Tommy has no idea how sex works, and in the movie it looks like he’s thrusting right into his future wife’s bellybutton. When you witness this, you yell at the screen to try to correct the improper love-making occurring before you.
For reasons unknown — probably a lack of effort by props — most of the art decorating the apartment of the film features cutlery, and spoons in particular. Make sure you arrive with a pack of plastic spoons to the group viewing, because not only are metal ones more expensive, but those actually tend to hurt when thrown. You’re supposed to throw those spoons any time you see one on screen. If anything, it will keep you occupied during long, dry stretches.
The dialogue is riddled with opportunities to inject a little wholesome family fun into your viewing experience. Tommy delivers his signature greeting “Oh, hi, [insert name]” nine times, along with “Oh, hey, [insert name]” an additional seven. Don’t be rude; make sure to greet everyone back in kind with your own “Oh, hi!” You are supposed to correct the actors when they say “future wife/husband” because, if you didn’t know, they actually have descriptors for that kind of relationship: fiancé and fiancée. According to co-star Greg Sestero (The Room’s best friend Mark), Tommy was aggressively against using any French in the film, so much so that he tackled Sestero for muttering “catch this” in French during a football scene.
There’s no real reason for the characters in the film to play football, especially since the second time they play, they’re in an alley and dressed in tuxedos. But The Room provides several prime opportunities to prove you’re a sitting-down-in-a-theater-playing-football-with-strangers-level Aaron Rodgers. Just don’t hit the screen. I don’t think the Majestic’s management would like that.
You don’t want this to be a rote, mechanical experience, though. There are tons of guides out there that provide a step-by-step approach on how to appreciate The Room in the midnight context. If you think of something that’s bugging you at any point and want to call it out, do it! So much of the movie is just godawful, so don’t hold back. Otherwise, just bask in the fact that this truly surreal piece of artwork is as popular as it is, and you are lucky enough to experience it. Enjoy yourself, have a scotchka and realize that everything is okay. Tommy gets deep at one point, spouting the line “If everybody loved each other, the world would be a better place.” And that surely is true. So take that love and togetherness and the sense of camaraderie you feel when throwing your football to the guy yelling “No! Not the bellybutton! Wrong hole!” outside into the real world.
