It’s been 36 hours since I had my ass kicked by Peter Kraus, the runner-up on the most recent season of ABC’s The Bachelorette. Yes, I signed up for the ass-kicking, in the form of a boot camp at Breese Stevens Field on Saturday morning, but I was not expecting to be so physically flattened a full day later. Personal trainer by trade and owner of Worth Personal Fitness, Peter is apparently very good at his job — if the screams coming from my glutes, back and shoulders are any indication.
I felt slightly out of place even an hour before the event kicked off, and not just because I was the only guy who went stag to this predominantly female-attended event. A lot of people showed up with yoga mats and professional-looking workout gear, which put my knockaround Adidas shorts and cotton t-shirt to shame. I lacked the forethought to bring a yoga mat, though it’s not like I even have one to bring. That I chose to indulge in a few of the Great Taste of the Midwest Eve events the night before, and was just now starting to feel the effects, did not help my woeful situation. By the time the DJ was amping up the growing crowd with questions like “Who’s ready to get sweaty with Peter?!” I mentally found myself flashing back to all the times I was picked last for dodgeball in middle school.
But I’m proud to say I held my own for the first half, working along with the crowd of 200 or so and keeping pace while four of the other Bachelorette fan favorites (Anthony, Alex, Diggy, and Iggy, if you were wondering) wandered around high-fiving each other and squirting the assorted coeds and cougars with Super Soakers. A set of “supermans” is, not surprisingly, much more enjoyable when you almost get run over by a huge dude wielding a water gun while dressed up like the Fruit Stripe zebra. As a marshal for all things muscle-building, Peter was as charming as you would expect, pushing everyone through the exercises with a firm focus on maintaining good form over maxing out their reps.
By the time the dance contest broke out, though, I was officially in over my head. In a perfect pairing of promotional product placement, the winner of the dance contest, who was able to ape Alex’s best moves while the rest of us alternated running in place and doing more squats, won an article of athletic wear from Lululemon. I fought to keep up with everyone around me — but despite my best efforts, I’m sure you’ll be able to spot me in all the clips from the day. Watch some of the beautiful drone footage of the open field on a sunny day, with the Capitol in the background, everyone moving in unison — and there I am, doubled over, gasping for breath in the background.
The event, which also included a VIP brunch, served two purposes. It was a fundraiser for the Boys & Girls Club of Dane County, but it was also a not-so-covert advertisement for Peter’s new training facility, located on the top floor of the Lyric building next door to Breese Stevens. Between raising ultimately over $20,000 for the local organization and handing out hundreds of shirts emblazoned with “Peter Kraus Fitness,” I’d say it was a big success across the board — a perfect balance of timely self-promotion with sincere philanthropy.
Which, in reality TV world, is a unicorn. The world of profiteering on fleeting fame trends toward the crass, and seldom approaches anything resembling this degree of selflessness.
If you’re wondering what Bryan is up to, the Miami-based chiropractor with whom Rachel is currently living her best life, he’s hawking aggressively tacky garbage emblazoned with his garish “Dr. Abs” logo. I’m no public relations manager here, but the contrast between these two post-finale is not helping to kill the unfortunate narrative that Rachel let the best man slip through her fingers for the sake of sticking to the “process” of the show. Sorry to keep pitting these men against each other, but if you had to pick between the guy who’s using his fame to put tens of thousands of dollars in the hands of local charities and the dude who wants to sell you a $42 t-shirt featuring a clip-art quality sketch of his six-pack, who would you choose?
This is not to say that Peter isn’t cashing in on his reality fame in the usual ways. This was the season that saw one contestant, Lucas, show up at the mansion already sporting a shirt featuring his catchphrase-that-shall-not-be-named, so the bar started off lower than usual. It’s all but expected for the guys who failed to receive their respective roses to wring every red cent from their 15 minutes of fame by pimping out their social media accounts. Sure enough, Peter’s Instagram includes posts tagging Gap, Nike, Ford, Sperry, Hudson Jeans, Ray-Ban, and... Chubbies. But for most of them, #BestTeethWhiteningProductEVER is where it ends. It’s refreshing to see some charity in the mix here.
Once I had been suitably stretched, flexed and spritzed by various reality TV contestants for an hour, I chugged some water and dragged my sweaty self up to the top floor of the Lyric building, where the VIP event was set to take place. Tickets for the boot camp were $30, but for $100 you could get all that exercise plus some personal one-on-one time with the five Bachelorette contestants and a spread of brunch foods prepared by Worth Fitness’ in-house nutritionist, Becca Wallschlaeger. The champagne was, of course, courtesy of Cask & Ale, the State Street spot where Peter took Rachel on their “hometown” date. As with the boot camp, I was immediately self-conscious. I was apparently one of the only people who showed up to this event still in grody boot camp gear. Turns out some people who drop a c-note for charity skip the rigmarole of the workout and the resulting difficulty going from a prone to sitting position for the next day or two. Who knew?!
For me, the VIP event was an opportunity to get some selfies with the guys who I watched gun for Rachel’s hand in marriage these past couple of months, snag some healthy snacks and sip champagne. I got all that, but the highlight was when Michael Johnson, President & CEO of the Boys & Girls Clubs of Dane County, literally held out his hat for any extra donations from the assembled Very Important People. The first person to open his wallet? Iggy, the consulting-firm CEO Rachel axed at the beginning of episode five. He set the pace with a contribution of $250, and before you could say “here for the right reasons,” they raised something like $15,000 out of nowhere, on top of everything else.
When it came time for me to snap a photo with Peter, his mom, Lynn, having not had the opportunity yet to get a pic with her very in-demand son, asked if she could cut in line. Once she had gotten her photo, with the view of the Capitol in the background, I slid in and asked if she’d be in my photo too. She had been such an integral part of the hometown episode this season, to say nothing of having raised a boy who’s finding ways to use his relative fame to support his community, and I think that deserves some appreciation. Me? I’m gonna pop another ibuprofen or three and try not to groan so loudly every time I sit down.
