Props to Emily for leading me to this treasure. Columns by political candidates tend to be trite and predictable, especially if the candidate's strategy is to say as little as possible throughout the course of the campaign. However, Ron Johnson really surprised me with his editorial in The Onion: "My Opponent Knows Washington is on a Map; I do not and I Never Will."
As your Republican nominee for U.S. Senate, I'm grateful to have this opportunity to reach out to the people of Wisconsin and draw some distinctions between myself-a D.C. outsider-and Russ Feingold. The incumbent is a classic tax-and-spend liberal who, if elected, will increase the deficit even further. But most importantly, Russ Feingold is a career politician who knows exactly where to find our nation's capital on a map.
You see, Russ Feingold has been a senator for nearly 20 years. He knows the Beltway backwards and forwards. Heck, I bet he could even tell you which state Washington, D.C. is in. I, on the other hand, don't even know what the "D.C." stands for, and I never will. I'll die before I acquire that information, and that is my promise to you.
Once again: Russ Feingold could point out Washington, D.C. with his eyes closed, and I have never quite grasped the difference between a map and a light-up globe. That is the difference I bring to the race, and that is the kind of leadership we need.
The only thing better would have been Mark Neumann's "I spent four years in Washington and I have no idea what goes on there."
I have to say I'm surprised and somewhat disappointed in RoJo. Although Johnson has proven himself willing and able to say anything (or avoid saying anything) to get elected, I've heard he's an avid reader of the Wall Street Journal, which regularly includes explanatory maps.
The same column, however, by Christine O'Donnell, Sharon Angle or Marc Rubio could be accepted at face value.