David Nevala
Gee calls writing "a painful joy."
Lilada Gee has dedicated her life to healing and preventing childhood sexual abuse, in part by sharing her own empowering message as a survivor. And now she’s adding a new medium: The dynamic community advocate will present her one-woman show, I Can’t Live Like This Anymore, based on her autobiography of the same name, Sept. 12 in the Overture Center’s Playhouse.
Under threat, Gee kept the abuse she suffered at the hands of her stepfather a secret. She struggled in her teen years with depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and low self-esteem. When she reached her early 20s, Gee finally began to tell her story in her church, the Fountain of Life Family Worship Center, where her brother, Alex Gee Jr., is currently the minister. She was shocked by the number of women and girls in the congregation who had similar stories.
That experience helped her see that speaking publicly could be a powerful and effective way to reach out to other victims. “Being a sexual abuse survivor is like being on a boat in the middle of the ocean,” she says. “You’re looking for anything to hang on to. And having a shared understanding of darkness makes you a confidante.”
After she spoke about her experiences, women and girls began showing up at her house, coming into her living room to talk, to pray and to relay their stories of abuse. In order to reach a wider audience, Gee self-published her autobiography in 2006, the same year she started Lilada’s Livingroom, which provides African American women and girls a culturally sensitive, safe place to heal from sexual abuse.
Although writing comes naturally for her, Gee calls it “a painful joy. Very painful and very cathartic. There were times when I had to step away from it.” She describes her writing process as “a conscious decision to be completely exposed. It [feels] like walking down the street naked.”
Her stage performance, which she also directs, “is a whole new way of communicating,” she says. “I embrace communication in all forms — that’s a gift I have. This is my story. Don’t give power to fear, give power to confidence.”
Is there anything daunting about bringing her experiences to the stage? “Sure,” says Gee. “There’s nervousness. What if I forget a line? What am I going to do in front of an audience? It’s just me and the spotlight up there.”
Gee says she hopes the show attracts a diverse audience, including survivors and partners of survivors, young people and even perpetrators or potential perpetrators: “They need to hear about the effects, the life-long effects that their actions can have. I want them all there.”
Proceeds from the performance will benefit Lilada’s Livingroom. “You know, I’m tired of those dry chicken dinner fundraisers,” says Gee with a laugh. “I thought a one-woman show would be a great way to raise some money and raise awareness in the community about this issue.”
After the performance there will be an informal reception where representatives from the Dane County Rape Crisis Center and Journey Mental Health Center will offer information and support. Members of the Fountain of Life Family Worship Center will also be on hand.
