The Duck Dynasty Christmas Special
Watching holiday TV programming now requires some work. There are so many Christmas specials and marathon airings of Christmas movies and borderline inclusions of feel-good classics that have nothing to do with Christmas (i.e., Mary Poppins) that even the undiscriminating television watcher will need to become in some way discriminating. The alternative is to collapse under the heavy load of heartwarming magical transformations. Here is a selective guide to holiday programming. Choose wisely.
Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Tuesday, Nov. 26, 7 pm (CBS)
CBS gets the ball rolling even before Thanksgiving. You know the story -- he is the most famous reindeer of all. This is the high point of Rankin-Bass stop-motion animation, and the songs are great (with the possible exception of the sugary "There's Always Tomorrow").
Lady Gaga and the Muppets Holiday Spectacular
Thursday, Nov. 28, 8:30 pm (ABC)
If you think you've already seen everything, this is the special for you.
Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
Friday, Nov. 29, 7 pm (ABC); Tuesday, Dec. 24, 7 pm
The annual must-see. The original 1966 animated version of Dr. Seuss' tale features the sleigh's treacherous plummet down Mount Crumpet, pulled by a one-horned "reindeer," the beleaguered Max. Narration by Boris Karloff, and an indelible soundtrack ("You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" and "Fahoo fores dahoo dores, welcome Christmas, Christmas day").
Hoops & Yoyo Ruin Christmas
Friday, Nov. 29, 7 pm (CBS)
Amid all the cartoons many viewers have seen dozens of times, it's nice to incorporate something new. One could do worse than Hoops & Yoyo Ruin Christmas (2011), starring those manic little Hallmark hucksters. The irrepressible duo and their small friend Piddles end up going through a wormhole on Santa's sleigh and landing at the North Pole. This ranks as the most theory-of-relativity-aware of the holiday specials. It's a slight choice to take on the Grinch, though.
It's a SpongeBob Christmas!
Sunday, Dec. 1, 11 am, 2 pm & 6:30 pm (Nickelodeon)
It's a SpongeBob Christmas! knowingly takes on the Christmas cartoon-special genre, with stop-motion versions of the gang, a plot that parodies 1970's Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town, and John Goodman as Santa.
Polar Express
Sunday, Dec. 1, 4 pm (ABC Family); Thursday, Dec. 5 at 6 pm; Tuesday, Dec. 17 at 8 pm; Wednesday, Dec. 18 at 4 pm; Monday, Dec. 23 at 9 pm; Tuesday, Dec. 24 at noon
Tom Hanks surely deserves a Christmas classic in his resume, though the eerily animated Polar Express is uncharacteristically dark for America's heir apparent to Jimmy Stewart.
A Charlie Brown Christmas
Monday, Dec. 2, 7 pm, Friday, Dec. 6, 7 pm (ABC)
This is the Christmas special that manages to impart all the right lessons without sappiness. The plot, centering on Charlie Brown's depression stemming from the over-commercialization of Christmas, proved a harbinger of the American holiday psyche in years to come. The special first aired in 1965 -- a time long before the day after Thanksgiving had a special shopping name.
Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town
Monday, Dec. 9, 7 pm (ABC)
This production may be more memorable for its voice talent than its story, which centers on the young Kris Kringle and his development into the global gift-giver he is today. Mickey Rooney, Fred Astaire and Keenan Wynn are standouts as Kris, the narrator/postman and the Winter Warlock, respectively. As Kringle attempts to bring toys to the children of Sombertown, and its mayor, Burgermeister Meisterburger, burns them and tries to destroy the Kringle clan, weird echoes of World War II are unmistakable. The animation is classic Rankin-Bass stop-motion of Rudolph vintage.
Frosty the Snowman
Monday, Dec. 9, 7 pm (CBS)
The animated special features the voices of Jimmy Durante, Billy DeWolfe and Jackie Vernon. If you know who these guys are, you are old. With the advent of global warming, Frosty's tale is sadder than ever.
The Duck Dynasty Christmas Special
Wednesday, Dec. 11, 9 pm (A&E)
New for 2013! The plot of The Duck Dynasty Christmas Special is apparently top secret. Could it have anything to do with the fact that the clan just released a holiday album called Duck the Halls: A Robertson Family Christmas?
It's a Wonderful Life
Saturday, Dec. 14, 7 pm (NBC); Tuesday, Dec. 24, 7 pm
The 1946 film mercifully keeps the bickering-family syndrome in check, save for those few ugly moments when George Bailey thinks he's lost the savings and loan and Janie irritatingly continues practicing the piano. The Jimmy Stewart/Donna Reed perennial about the impact one man can make in the world continues to hold up under repeated viewings, thanks in no small part to Stewart and Reed.
A Christmas Carol
Thursday, Dec. 19, 9 pm (TCM)
It wouldn't be Christmas without some rendition of Dickens' A Christmas Carol. This 1951 black-and-white version stars Alastair Sim as Scrooge in a performance that's never been bested. It's followed in the night's lineup by 1935's Scrooge and a 1938 A Christmas Carol, too, if you want to compare and contrast.
Scrooge
Monday, Dec. 23, 5 pm (TCM)
The 1970 musical adaptation of the Dickens' tale stars Albert Finney in the title role, but is more memorable for Alec Guinness' turn as the ghost of his late partner, Jacob Marley.
Meet Me in St. Louis
Monday, Dec. 23, 7 pm (TCM) Tuesday, Dec. 24, 8:15 am
This is not a Christmas film per se, but does feature Judy Garland sadly crooning "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." Otherwise, its holiday-free content may prove a useful respite.
Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Tuesday, Dec. 24, 7:30 pm (ABC)
The 2000 film starring Jim Carrey and directed by Ron Howard demonstrates the peril of transforming an ugly, green, furrily collared cartoon character into a heavily made-uped human being whose performances consistently flirt with the DSM-5. The Grinch is grotesque; the cartoon version is preferable. But Carrey fans will want to tune in. The Grinch may scare younger children the way Margaret Hamilton and the monkeys do in The Wizard of Oz.
A Christmas Story
7 pm Tuesday, Dec. 24 through 7 pm Wednesday, Dec. 25 (TBS)
People seem to either love the 1983 movie, featuring the hapless Ralphie, or hate it. Bickering family, hardscrabble kids, lots of yelling and a longing for a BB gun; hello, American holidays. It starts airing at midnight on Dec. 24; back-to-back showings will continue through Dec. 25 at 6 p.m. Why this is the Christmas fare that merits a marathon remains a mystery. (Will Ferrell's Elf also gets a daylong marathon, but it's on premium channel Starz.)
