Amy Stocklein
A network of friends (Ali Brooks, middle) and family (son Eric Schechter) keeps Barbie Strong (left) connected.
The back patio of Mickey’s Tavern is full of diners, many of whom appear to be extending the previous night’s drinking. Sitting in the middle of it all is Barbie Strong, a 79-year-old woman with advanced Alzheimer’s. A regular at Mickey’s, Strong has been having brunch here every Saturday since 2014. Today she takes in the scene with a mischievous grin on her face. Eric Schechter, Strong’s son, sits to her left with a smile reminiscent of his mother’s.
“Sometimes I wonder if she is having sparkly hallucinations,” says Schechter, a social worker at Lake Monona Psychotherapy and Recovery Center.
John Potter, who once worked with Schechter at Journey Mental Health Center, sits across the table. He sees Barbie as a model for how people with Alzheimer’s can live. “Eric doesn’t say ‘Barbie can’t do this or she can’t do that.’”
A lifelong Madisonian, Strong earned a master’s degree in sociology from UW-Madison before starting an in-home child daycare. Fiercely independent, she spent many years traveling the world and chose to raise three children as a single parent. In 2008 she started showing signs of dementia and, in 2012, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Strong is now non-verbal.
Many people have said that Strong belongs in a nursing home, but Schechter and his brother, Paul, are honoring her desire to stay in her home as long as possible. “We’ve had to buck the system and take calculated risks,” Schechter says. “We live in a society where everyone is so fetished out on safety that they are willing to not have quality of life.”
Schechter says a “village of people” — nurses, friends and family — have established round-the-clock care for Strong. He set up “Team Barbie” brunches at Mickey’s as a way to check in with the village. “It’s nice to have a standing appointment and people just know to come,” Schechter says. “It’s just another example of how diverse her life is.”
About 20 minutes into brunch, Strong’s face lights up as Schechter’s ex-girlfriend, Ali Brooks, breezes in and gives Strong a big hug before taking a seat next to her. The couple broke up several years ago, but Brooks remains a brunch regular because she didn’t want to lose Strong from her life. “Barbie’s fearless,” Brooks says. “She’s one of my best teachers. She forces you to be present.”
Soon another friend arrives and the stories about Strong — after she had dementia but before she needed 24-hour care — start flowing. Schechter recalls how Strong once walked out to South Whitney Way from her home and hitchhiked to her church off of University Avenue. Schechter and Brooks take turns telling the story of the time they went to the Memorial Union Terrace and unexpectedly ran into Strong, who was sitting with a group of frat boys and sharing their popcorn. There was the time Strong, Schechter and Brooks took a Greyhound bus and Strong sat in the front row telling the driver how to drive. “In our society we have social roles and boundaries,” Schechter says. “But Barbie is a torpedo to that shit.”
Schechter and Brooks took Strong to Cuba well into her dementia years but before the U.S. eased up on travel restrictions there. Afraid Strong would innocently tell customs officials they had been to Cuba, Schechter and Brooks told her they were in Mexico the whole time. A scrapbook shows a photo of Strong puffing on a Cuban cigar.
Schechter acknowledges that Strong’s illness also causes grief — she no longer remembers his name.
“It’s a wave that can crash and put you under or you can ride the wave,” he says.
But Schechter is grateful that Strong’s community of caregivers has been able to keep her in her home. “If mom dies today, I know what I did — there will never be a regret because I cherished every moment,” Schechter says. “This is the best phase of our relationship.”
Countries where Strong has lived: Japan, India, Australia
Years Strong has lived in her current home: 34
Some of Barbie’s favorite places to go besides Mickey’s Tavern: The city dump and east side festivals like Waterfront Festival and Fete de Marquette
Places Strong has traveled to with Schechter since having dementia: Spain, New Orleans, Cuba
Strong is non-verbal unless singing one of her favorite songs: “A Bicycle Built for Two.”
