The big news this week was that a North Carolina man fired nine bullets from a pistol into his daughter's laptop computer to teach her a valuable lesson about manners. She had posted outrageous things on Facebook -- something never before heard from a teenager -- words to the effect that she was being asked to do too many chores around the house. In response, her dad got out his .45 and blasted her computer. His daughter learned that when all else fails we solve our problems in America by shooting them.
Of course, the big political news of the week was the entry of Ira Robins into the Wisconsin Lieutenant Governor"s race. I don't need to explain it to you, but Robins is the Milwaukee private investigator who helped the late Lawrencia ("Bambi") Bembenek in her quest to prove her innocence in her murder conviction. He didn't discuss his platform, but I'm sure it involves making sure that former Playboy Bunnies who are convicted of killing their boyfriend's former wives and escape prison and go to Canada to be waitresses are treated fairly by our criminal justice system. And isn't it about time?
In other state political news, Eric Hovde announced his candidacy for the U.S. Senate as a Republican. Hovde is a hedge fund manager who has lived in Washington D.C. for the last 25 years. If that isn't a resume built for political success, well, than I don't know what is. I'm not sure if he ever killed anybody, but it really doesn't matter.
And haven't we all had just about enough of State Senator Dale Schultz? If there's anything you can count on every Friday here in this weekly review, it's mockery of Republicans. Then Dale Schultz has to stick his big nose into everything. He blocks mining legislation with the flimsy excuse that the public would be shut out of the mining approval process. Then, if that's not enough, he screws up GOP plans to screw up wind farms and get us back on total reliance on fossil fuels where we belong. And the guy goes around saying stuff like, "I know there are those who will be beyond disappointed with me. But my first priority in coming to the Legislature was not to be a good partisan."
Where does this guy get off with his "principles" and "public interest"? Doesn't he understand I have to produce satire every Friday? Look, Sen. Schultz, this kind of combination of political courage and eloquence does nothing for me. How hard is it for you to study Mitt Romney, huh?
And finally, evangelical leader Pat Robertson has come out in favor of legalizing marijuana, and it's not just token support. At a press conference, Robertson was quoted as saying: "Like, wow. Like, man. Like, Jesus, he turned the water into wine. Maybe he shoulda put the water in a bong. Heh, heh, heh, heh."
In case you're thinking that Pat has become sane, earlier in the week he said the Midwest could have avoided the recent deadly spate of tornadoes if people had just prayed more.
Well, that's all I've got for now. Have a good weekend, kids.
