Dear Tell All: I’ve been eagerly following the news about Addyi, the first prescription drug intended to boost women’s sexual drive. Sexual relations between me and my husband have been kind of blah for a while, and I’m eager to try anything that will help.
I noticed that he didn’t share my excitement about Addyi. Whenever I brought it up, he either ignored me or said something mildly dismissive. Given that sex is a rather delicate subject in our house, I didn’t press it.
When the Food and Drug Administration recently approved the drug, however, I told my husband I wanted to try it. And then the weirdness began. After a long argument that went around in circles, he finally revealed his real objection to Addyi: He doesn’t like the idea of me walking around with an enhanced sex drive. To quote him exactly: “I don’t want you to start running around on me.”
This blew me away. Here I was, idealistically hoping to improve our sex life, and he’s worried I’ll become a slut. Me, a lifelong believer in monogamy! I had no idea what to say, so I just stormed out of the room, and we haven’t talked about it since. There’s a chill in the house, and sex has been out of the question for the last couple weeks.
I’m mad, but I also admit to feeling slightly guilty about causing this fight. Tell All, was I wrong to bring up Addyi?
Jezebel Jones
Dear Jezebel: You’re right, your husband is wrong, and you should read him the riot act. Or better yet, read him The Feminine Mystique, Sexual Politics, and other classic works of feminist philosophy. What you’ve got here, I’m sorry to report, is a classic case of male fear of female sexuality.
Unfortunately, that’s not a problem Addyi will cure. Before seeking help from pharmaceuticals, Jezebel, you need to deal with some basic trust issues between you and your husband. Sit down — maybe with a therapist — and make him understand that it’s a good thing for a wife to have a healthy libido. Reassure him that you’re committed to a monogamous relationship and demand that he give you the respect you’re due.
If you work hard on improving the foundation of your relationship, it’s possible your sex life will improve even without a prescription drug.
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