Dear Tell All: I met a great guy this winter and think he might be a keeper. We love to discuss books, politics and ideas. He likes my cooking — I specialize in Italian dishes — and I like his dedication to volunteering for good causes.
Our sex life has been fantastic, too. I feel like I lucked out because he’s better-looking than I am, and in better shape.
For our three-month anniversary last week, I made him his favorite dish: spinach lasagna. He gave me a present that didn’t exactly fill me with joy: a bikini. We both live in the Vilas neighborhood, and he talked of lazing around together on Vilas Beach this summer.
This worries me because our sex life takes place in the dark. He’s never seen my body in broad daylight, and I’m not sure I want him to. I’ve got my share of unsightly bulges, marks, and other imperfections.
I’ve already started thinking of excuses for skipping the beach this summer. What’s the best way to keep the unwanted bikini from ruining our relationship?
Fleshy
Dear Fleshy: You started off by calling your new boyfriend “a great guy.” If that’s really true, he will embrace your body in the daylight, just as he’s embraced it at night. If he doesn’t, I would question his greatness. And I would find a more worthy recipient of your lasagna-making skills.
Think about it: you are kind and smart and a good catch. That’s evident from your letter. If a physical imperfection or two is enough to scare this guy off, what would that say about his values? He’s not someone you’d want to be with anyway.
But this is all hypothetical, Fleshy. Your boyfriend gave you the bikini because he already likes the way you look. Stop with the excuses and wear your new swimsuit proudly on Vilas Beach. The real problem here is not his attitude toward your body, but yours. Let this be the summer when you learn to love yourself, imperfections and all.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
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