Dear Tell All: I’ve managed to make it into my late 30s without getting married and having kids. I’ve enjoyed dating a lot of women and having a lot of freedom. I’ve made big strides in my career precisely because I haven’t had to worry about being a dad or a husband.
At this stage of life, I’m starting to feel the need to settle down with a partner. But I still haven’t felt the need for children. I’m way too protective of my free time for that. The problem is, several of the nicest women I’ve been dating already have one or two young kids.
There’s one woman in particular who has life-partner potential — someone I met at work this past year. We’ve gone out a few times, and it’s been great, but now we’re at the point where she wants me to meet her 6-year-old son. This seems like a big step, and I find myself reluctant to take it. It would mean the relationship has gotten serious, and I don’t think I want to get serious about someone who’d bring a kid into my life. I have no desire to be a dad; then again, I’m drawn to this woman.
How to solve the dilemma?
Peter Pan
Dear Peter Pan: For a grown man, you’re quite the scaredy cat. You’re worried about even meeting a 6-year-old boy?
I don’t consider your problem a “dilemma.” You say you like the woman and could imagine settling down with her. So why not take the courageous step of spending a little time with her son? I’m here to tell you that kids can enrich your life, to the point where all the free time you’re so protective of doesn’t seem important anymore.
Perhaps that’s what you’re really scared of: the fact that a child could have a transformative effect on you. But transformations can be a positive part of the aging process, Peter Pan. Hiding out in Neverland isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
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