Dear Tell All: I graduated from UW-Madison last year, and it seems like ever since senior year I haven't been able to talk to friends or check my phone without finding out about another person I know getting engaged.
I'm obviously happy for them, but it feels like my life is moving in a different direction. Despite having serious relationships before, I am nowhere near making that commitment in my life. Instead, I’ve taken the last year to be single and, in classic fashion, focus on my career.
I don't regret this at all, but it feels like a lot of people are moving their lives in a different direction. How do I avoid being left behind while living life on my own terms?
Working Girl
Dear Working Girl: I admire you for following your own path. You’re pursuing a career rather than immediately settling down in a relationship — living life on your own terms, as you put it. What’s more, you’re sticking to your path even as your friends pair up and head down a different road. It must require tremendous strength to maintain your integrity in the face of such social pressure.
I also admire you for admitting your doubts, both to an advice columnist and to yourself. It takes guts to confront the fear of being left behind.
Let me put your mind at ease: You won’t be left behind. Wisconsin women tended to marry young in the pioneer days, when they were lucky to live to 40. As a recent college grad in modern-day Madison, however, you’ve got plenty of time to both develop your career and wait for a special someone.
Indeed, you’re smart to wait. Divorce rates for couples who marry before age 25 are astronomical. The reasons are obvious: Younger couples often lack emotional experience and financial resources, increasing the odds of conflict.
So stay the course, Working Girl. I predict you will have a fabulous career and, when the time is right, a fabulous partner. Sure, your friends seem happy now, but I suspect you’ll be happier in the long run.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
Write Tell All, 100 State St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tell all@isthmus.com.
