Dear Tell All: I went to my 10-year high school reunion this summer — the first reunion I’ve been to in my hometown. I was anxious about going because I look a lot different than I did back in school.
Everyone knew me as the overweight girl with skin problems and no boyfriend. Since then I’ve worked hard on eating right, getting exercise, and taking care of myself in other ways. I became attractive to men and have been married to a hunk — a kind, wonderful person — for two years.
He didn’t come with me to the reunion, by my choice. I was worried about dealing with my emotions and taking care of him at the same time. I was also worried about falling apart if my high school crush showed up — an insanely good-looking guy I’ll call Jason. I knew Jason from various activities and classes dating back to elementary school and always made a fool of myself talking to him. But I admit that I thought of him when picking out a revealing outfit for the reunion.
Sure enough, Jason was there, and he still looked great. Like everyone else I introduced myself to, he couldn’t believe it was me. We fell into flirting, and I learned he was single after recently ending a long-term relationship. One drink led to another, and soon neither of us cared about the wedding ring on my finger. We spent the night together at a hotel.
It was thrilling in the moment — a dream come true after fantasizing about Jason for my whole adolescence. But I felt terrible the next day, especially when Jason said goodbye without a hint of real interest in me. He clearly saw me as a one-night stand.
Now I’m back in Madison and feeling ashamed of myself. I haven’t told my husband for obvious reasons. I don’t want him to feel hurt and to think less of me. And I really don’t want to ruin our relationship. Should I keep my mouth shut?
Pretty on the Outside
Dear Pretty on the Outside: You’ve put your relationship in jeopardy, but you have a better chance of saving it by being honest with your husband. Right now you’re the woman who cheated on him. If you keep your mouth shut, you’ll be the woman who cheated on him and tried to lie about it for the rest of your life. Which option is likely to make him think less of you? Which option is likely to make you think less of yourself?
You say your husband is a wonderful person, so maybe he’ll understand the primal forces at work in your reunion experience. After your painful adolescence, you were particularly vulnerable in that situation. You did the wrong thing, but perhaps you can redeem yourself by acknowledging it and appealing to your husband’s kindness.
Dishonesty would surely have a corrosive effect on both your marriage and your self-image, Pretty on the Outside. But if you tell your husband the truth, you’ll be that much closer to Pretty on the Inside again.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
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