Dear Tell All: I’ve been married almost 10 years, and I don’t want to give up on a satisfying sex life. But things have cooled down between my husband and me. Granted, it’s hard to keep the fires burning after having a kid and enacting your partner’s fantasies many times over. However, I’m still not ready to admit defeat.
I’ve got a huge obstacle in my quest: internet porn. Not hardcore porn, but all the sexy images on the web that attract a husband’s eyeballs, including Kate Upton’s titillating ads.
I don’t mind my husband being titillated; that just shows he’s got a libido. But I do mind him masturbating all the time. I don’t have solid evidence, because it most likely happens when I’m out of the house. I do have circumstantial evidence, though, in the form of his severely diminished sex drive when it comes to me.
I get increasingly depressed when I glimpse the images of airbrushed beauties he’s consuming on his laptop, his desktop and his phone. Is there any hope for my marital sex life, or am I doomed to failure against the all-powerful internet?
Not a Perfect 10
Dear Wonderful Woman: I hope you don’t mind that I changed your name from “Not a Perfect 10” to “Wonderful Woman.” You’re already admitting defeat if you compare yourself unfavorably to the internet’s airbrushed beauties. In fact, you’re stacking the odds against yourself by even accepting the terms of our pernicious “Perfect 10” culture.
Step one is to realize you have more going for you than those two-dimensional women on the screen. You can be a loving partner. You can make a real-life connection with your husband in bed.
Step two is to act on your newfound self-confidence. Don’t passively accept his internet viewing habits, but instead wean him away from the airbrushed beauties. This might involve an uncomfortable conversation about his masturbatory habits. But the effort will pay off in a more satisfying marriage for both of you — and don’t be shy about telling him that.
Step three is to rejuvenate your sex life with your husband. You say you’ve “enacted your partner’s fantasies many times over,” and that line betrays more than a hint of weariness. Throw yourself into new fetishes, new positions. With just a bit of effort, you can leave Kate Upton in the dust.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
Write Tell All, 100 State St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tellall@isthmus.com.
