Dear Tell All: I moved to Madison when my wife got a job at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, and now I work at the university too. We’ve been here for three years and have a decent-sized group of friends. I like these people in a lot of ways, and they’ve made Madison a relatively enjoyable place to be. On the other hand, I feel completely alienated from them on the subject of sports.
I’m from an academic family in Amherst, Mass., and had no interest in sports growing up — either playing them or watching them on TV. I had like-minded friends during high school in Amherst, during college at Oberlin, and during graduate school at Cornell.
But in our friend group here in Madison, everyone is sports-crazy, including the women. Social events often revolve around watching a game on TV. My wife has gotten into the spirit of it, but I can’t bring myself to cheer for players and teams I care nothing about.
The worst part of it is the transformation that occurs among the men. The guys in our circle tend to be awkward conversationalists, especially when you try to talk to them about anything personal. But whenever the subject turns to sports, the menfolk commune with one another in an insider language all their own. Unfortunately, it’s a language I don’t speak, filled with statistics and doubtlessly invaluable suggestions for the coaches.
I write because we’re invited to a Super Bowl party, and I’ve raised the idea of skipping it with my wife. Of all the yearly sports events, I loathe this one the most, perhaps because it’s interminable and because its importance is so puzzlingly overblown.
My wife is mad at me, but I’m inclined to stand my ground. What would you do?
Unmanly
Dear Unmanly: If your heart tells you to skip the Super Bowl party, my all means skip it. Life is too short to waste on things you hate.
But let me float an alternative plan, based on clues in your letter. You say that you “like these people in a lot of ways” and that “they’ve made Madison a relatively enjoyable place to be.” If that’s true, can’t you let your friends off the hook for having a harmless passion for sports, even though you don’t share it?
You also say your wife has gotten into the spirit of socializing around sports. Why not loosen up and follow her lead, Unmanly? I suspect that her attitude has made her a lot happier in Madison than you are. To me, cheering with your wife and your friends sounds better than grumbling all by yourself.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
Write Tell All, 100 State St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tell all@isthmus.com.
