Dear Tell All: I love everything about my job at a Madison-area business except for two women who seem dedicated to ruining my life and career. I don’t know what they have against me, since I’ve been nothing but collegial since joining the company about a year ago. They’ve both been there for 10 years or more and take every opportunity to dis me behind my back.
I know what they’re doing because I’m on friendly terms with everyone else in my unit, and they periodically pass on what the mean girls say about me. Supposedly, I’m incompetent and don’t deserve to be in a managerial role at our company.
That slander is easy enough to disprove, given my team’s stated trust in me and our consistently high performance. But true or false, the character assassination is taking an emotional toll on me. It makes me self-conscious around my supervisors, who I assume have heard the whisper campaign. I haven’t defended myself to them because I don’t want to seem defensive — I’d rather let my results speak for themselves. I pride myself on professionalism, and it’s unprofessional to be a crybaby.
Which leaves me crying at home, and feeling terrible about myself. I have no idea why the mean girls are targeting me, and I keep trying to figure it out. It reminds me of bullying in school. I couldn’t figure it out back then, either.
More than a decade out of high school, I’m once again a nervous wreck. How can I survive this attack?
Cady
Dear Cady: You can survive the attack. You will survive it. Here are some steps to follow.
- Stop feeling terrible about yourself. I know that’s a tall order in this situation, but keep telling yourself that your awful coworkers are the problem, not you. You know you’re doing a good job, and you know others appreciate you. If you have to cry from time to time, so be it. You’re human — that’s a good thing.
- Stop thinking you can’t talk to your supervisors. If they’re decent managers, they’ll appreciate hearing about bullying in the office, and they’ll address the problem. You won’t seem defensive; you’ll seem like a team player who’s justifiably concerned about the unproductive workplace climate.
- Stop trying to figure out why the mean girls do what they do. Why did Iago destroy Othello? Why did Moby Dick bite off Captain Ahab’s leg? The world is full of inexplicable evil, Cady. Rather than fretting about it, confront it and rise above it. That won’t be easy, but it’s your only good option.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
Write Tell All, 100 State St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tell all@isthmus.com.
