Dear Tell All: I’m a middle-aged woman in a midlife slump. I’ve had no serious relationships since my divorce a decade ago—and almost nothing that could even be considered a date. I’d resigned myself to the idea that my sexual life was over, but recently the weirdest thing has happened.
A young man started working in my office and struck up a friendship with me. I put it that way because all the effort came from him. I’m reserved and would normally not make such a connection, especially with someone half my age. But he’s an outgoing type who likes to talk, so we began sharing information about our lives and our interests. I liked him and began to come out of my shell more than I usually do at work.
After a few weeks, I realized he was flirting with me. The minute it dawned on me — in the middle of a conversation with him — I blushed so badly I must have looked like a tomato. I glanced around the break room to see if anyone was watching us, wondering what others might think.
Last week he brought up the idea of going out to a movie, one of our shared interests. I stammered “sure,” and the next thing you know it’s on the calendar.
To be honest with you, I’m not in great shape and don’t feel too confident about my body. He’s not in the greatest shape either. What I’m trying to say is, I’m flooded with mixed feelings about this upcoming experience. Part of me is attracted to him, and part of me isn’t. Part of me wants to have sex again, and part of me doesn’t. Part of me thinks he’s seeking a deeper friendship, and part of me thinks he has romantic intentions. Part of me wonders why I’m fooling around with someone his age, and part of me wonders “why not?”
What should I do?
Dumpy
Dear Desirable Woman: You’ll notice that I refuse to call you “Dumpy,” and I suggest you stop calling yourself by that name. You are a Desirable Woman, to judge by the fact that this young man is interested in you.
My advice: Don’t obsess on what every part of you is fretting about. You listed eight parts, and that’s eight too many. Take a cue from your outgoing new office mate and dive into this experience. Maybe he’ll turn out to be a great friend, or maybe he’ll turn out to be a great lover. Either way, enjoy the opportunity for fun that’s fallen into your lap.
May this be an opportunity to turn your midlife slump into a midlife bump.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
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