Dear Tell All: I was recently promoted to manager, supervising four employees. One is male, one is an older female, and two are young, beautiful females. A few months ago I was excited about my promotion, but now I’m worried about the sexual politics of a middle-aged man supervising young women he might be attracted to.
With the rise of the #metoo movement, accusations are flying about men in positions of power. I cheer the downfall of those who’ve demonstrably abused or harassed women, like Louis C.K. and Harvey Weinstein. Other cases seem more questionable, like that of Sen. Al Franken, whose “harassment” was more like harmless horsing around. Nevertheless, he was publicly shamed and ousted. What if that happens to me?
I’m kind of a Franken type — a jokester and a flirt. I appreciate attractive women and see no reason to apologize for that. When a single guy can’t joke around with a single woman, I think we’ve reached a sad point in male-female relations.
But in the current climate, I’m spooked whenever I have a one-on-one meeting with the young women I supervise. I’m conscious of maintaining eye contact and not looking any lower, lest I be accused of staring at their breasts or legs. I watch every word I say, lest I make a remark that’s taken the wrong way.
I find these meetings incredibly uncomfortable and wonder if I can give myself permission to loosen up — in other words, to be myself. I’m confident I won’t cross any lines, but can I trust the women to see it that way?
Man’s Man
Dear Man’s Man: On the basis of your letter, I have a piece of advice: Don’t give yourself permission to loosen up. Don’t “be yourself” in the meetings with your female employees, because what you are is unacceptable in the 2018 workplace.
For starters, I’m troubled by the distinctions you make among the people you supervise, with the so-called young, beautiful females set apart from the male and the “older female.” Eww.
Beyond that, I’m troubled by your inability to view the young women as professional colleagues. To you, they’re merely breasts and legs. You’re focused on flirting with them instead of helping them become productive employees.
I see a ray of hope, Man’s Man. You’re conscious of maintaining eye contact rather than ogling your coworkers’ bodies. You’re watching what you say rather than making inappropriate remarks. Instead of resenting such restraint, you should cultivate it.
This is what you need to understand: Your discomfort is not what matters in your new position. What matters is refraining from behavior that makes your female colleagues uncomfortable.
Now get back to work and keep your mind on the job unless you too want to be publicly shamed and ousted. #metoo is not playing.
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