Dear Tell All: Confirmed Bachelor said that, unlike all the other gay couples flocking to the City-County Building, he would not marry his partner following a judge's recent ruling on same-sex marriage ("A Gay Guy Who Won't Marry," 6/19/2014). His reason was a lingering sense of shame in a culture that still sees LGBT people as less than human. Tell All, you expressed the wish that one day he would feel comfortable enough to legally tie the knot with his partner.
I question why this should be a major goal of his life. I'm not planning to marry my current partner either, but for a different reason than Confirmed Bachelor. I won't do it because I think the institution of marriage is bogus.
And I know it's not just me. Queers have traditionally felt that way. Weddings were the silly ceremony reserved for straights, complete with the best man, the bridesmaids, the matching dresses, the first dance and all that other kitsch. Plus, weddings were associated with religion and the state -- and for gay folks, those two institutions are closely associated with oppression and intolerance.
And let's face it, marriage doesn't exactly have a good reputation in this country. We all know that most marriages are miserable. And we all know that most of them end in divorce.
I'm all for equality, of course, and I definitely believe gay people should be able to get married if they want to. But my question is: Why do they want to? And why is the whole gay rights movement suddenly focused on this one issue?
Serial Monogamist
Dear Tell All: Of course now every gay man is expected to tie the knot and settle into ideal domestic bliss, like single career women in 1959. Otherwise your life is incomplete, right?
Wrong.
Not everyone wants to be Carrie, Charlotte or Miranda. There are those of us quite happy being Samantha.
Tallrobert
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison? Write Tell All, 101 King St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tellall@isthmus.com.
