Dear Tell All: When I got married 13 years ago, I asked my niece to sing during the ceremony. She's not a professional singer, but I've always liked her voice. Well, I thought she did a great job, but apparently not everyone was pleased.
When I watched a video of the ceremony, I caught one of my friends and her husband snickering. They were right in front of the camera and I could see them rolling their eyes and making faces at each other throughout the entire solo. I have never seen anything so rude!
I can't tell you how much time and energy I put into planning that wedding. It was the most important day of my life. To have what should have been a wonderful memory stolen from me by such rude behavior...I just can't get over it. I confronted my friend years ago and asked for an apology, but she denied everything. Lately I've been thinking that I let her off too easily. She gets to live her life like nothing ever happened, while I'm reminded of what she did to me every time I look at my wedding photos.
What do you think I should do?
Not-So-Happily Married
Dear Not-So-Happily Married: What I'm about to write may seem a little out of left field, but bear with me. It will make sense in the end. When I was a child, I had this strange fascination with sticking live perch on the ends of my thumbs. My brother and sisters would catch them, toss them to me, and then I'd impale them on my opposable digit. After that I'd run wildly up and down the beach until, well, I can't remember exactly. Maybe until I blacked out.
I bring this up to make two points. First, Copernicus was right: The world doesn't revolve around you...in fact, most of the time it revolves around me. Second, some things are utterly pointless, like you spending the rest of your life obsessing over something that happened 13 years ago.
Get over it! Whenever you invite friends or family members to perform at a ceremony, you run the risk that not everyone is going to appreciate their musical gifts as much as you do. Plus, can you even be sure that your friend was laughing at your niece's voice? Maybe she just didn't think the "Macarena" was appropriate wedding music. I assure you that no one else even remembers this incident except you and your poor husband, who probably wishes you'd move on too.
It's always dangerous when you allow other people's actions to influence your own happiness, and it's even worse when you harbor resentment for months or years. So try to focus on the good memories from your wedding. This is one of those times when it's best to forgive and forget!
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
Write Tell All, 101 King St., Madison, WI, 53703. Or email tellall@isthmus.com.
