Dear Tell All: When my boy-friend performs oral sex, he does...something...that is so wonderful it makes my toes curl. I've been with other guys, and I've had good sex before, but this is on a totally different, spiritual level.
Here's the problem: He won't tell me what he does. All he'll say is that it's something with his upper lip. He even calls it his Lip Thing. He teases me like this is all a big joke, because he's got a secret that he knows I want. But I'm serious. I NEED to know. This relationship may not last forever, and if it ends I don't want the incredible sex to end with it. I have to know exactly what my boyfriend is doing so I can train the next one.
Wishing I Could Read Lips
Dear Wishing: I'm sure there are a lot of women out there who would love to be in your curly-toed shoes, getting a little lip from your boyfriend. I actually feel sorry for the guy. It sounds like he's doing an orgasmic job of keeping you satisfied and yet you're already creating lesson plans for his replacement.
It takes a lot of research and development to perfect a technique like this. There are prototypes and focus groups and test markets. Still, I don't think there are any patents or trademarks for bedroom maneuvers. If there were, the sexual patent office would be flooded with résumés. So if you can convince your boyfriend to share his dirty secret, all power to you.
There's one sure-fire way to loosen his lips. The next time you're giving him a little lip service of your own, bring him right to the edge and then...stop. Then, in your sexiest voice, say, "Now about that lip thang...." He'll twist and squirm, but no matter how much he begs, don't continue until he fesses up. It shouldn't take long. A man in this position will do anything to relieve the pressure. Your boyfriend will probably tell you more than you ever wanted to know: the name of his first girlfriend, his high school locker combination, or maybe even how he really feels about breast implants.
tellall@isthmus.com.
