Dear Tell All: I'm a guy. For reasons I needn't go into here, my wife has expressed to me that she would enjoy it if I had my, um, butt hair waxed. Like, deep down in the crevice.
I'm game for this — I have a male friend who's done it, and he gave me some pointers about trimming ahead of time, which ointments to apply afterward, and so forth, so I feel prepared — but I can't seem to find anyone in the Madison area willing to provide intimate waxing services for men. My friend, who lives down South, says I should look for neighborhoods and businesses frequented by gay men, but maybe things are just too bearish and not twinky enough in this city? I've reached out to five or six spas and done a bunch of Googling, but either I'm missing something or I need to take a trip to Chicago.
Any chance you can poke around and save me a drive before Valentine's Day?
Hoping for a Smooth End to This
Dear Smooth End: With no services available in Madison, and probably no time to get to Chicago before Valentine’s Day, there’s only one option. You’ll have to wax the butt hair yourself.
Pick up a waxing kit at your neighborhood Walgreens. Start by trimming your hair as short as you can with a scissors — and I probably don’t need to tell you to be careful down in that crevice. Take a hot shower, scrub your butt with a loofah to exfoliate the skin, and dry off completely. Melt the wax and apply it to a small patch of hair with the waxing stick. Lay on a strip, pull it up quickly, and scream like Steve Carell in The 40-Year-Old Virgin’s waxing scene.
Repeat. A lot. And try not to burn yourself.
Be sure to allow plenty of time to heal before Valentine’s Day, Smooth End, because you won’t be too eager for physical contact at first. Oh, and keep an eye out for infections.
Have I put you in a properly romantic mood? No? Then follow these alternate steps.
Instead of picking up a waxing kit at Walgreens, pick up a Whitman’s Sampler. Give it to your wife on Valentine’s Day, cuddle up on the couch, and feed the chocolates to each other while watching a lighthearted movie. May I suggest The 40-Year-Old Virgin?
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
Write Tell All, 100 State St., Madison, WI 53703. Or email tellall@isthmus.com.