Robyn Von Swank
When she’s not touring her standup act across the country, comedian Jen Kirkman might be found suffering through a couples’ dinner that her well-meaning friends put together. “All the couples do is talk to me about being single. So it would be fun if there were other single people — not to hit on them, but so that adults could have conversations about things that aren’t relationships,” says Kirkman.
Kirkman is currently dating, but considers herself “legally single.” And she perfectly describes the irritations and privileges of being single in a new Netflix special with possibly the best title ever: I’m Gonna Die Alone (and I Feel Fine).
The Chelsea Lately comedian will be making a stop at the Majestic Theatre on July 7. She describes her act as long stories that are revealing but never oversharing. On stage, she talks about her relationship status and how turning 40 changed her life. Although Kirkman laughs about the goofy physical changes one’s body goes through, she also claims 40 is the sweet spot for knowing who you are and what you really want. “I feel different, and I just don’t give a shit what anyone says anymore. I dress and look however I want. I feel very smart, and I don’t want to be younger anymore. I’ve gotten to know myself so well.”
Kirkman says she appreciated the lack of censorship when she filmed her Netflix special, even though it was filmed over two performances and she considers herself to be a one-take kind of woman. If she gets one shot at something, she wants to put it all on the line.
Early on, Kirkman had no intentions of becoming a professional comedian. She had ambitions of being a dancer or actress, and watched tap dancing on reruns of The Lawrence Welk Show. The TV universe, however, had other plans. She was inspired to try standup by an episode of Beverly Hills 90210 in which Shannon Doherty’s Brenda begins telling stories in a cafe. “Brenda wanted to be an actress like I did, and she went to this cafe where people got up and told these open mic stories, and I thought, ‘I want to do that.’” Even though the storyline was intended as a cautionary tale about the unstable life of performers, Kirkman didn’t see it that way.
Cut to 2008 when, after years of working the coffee shop/bar scene, she finally got a steady job writing and appearing as a panelist on Chelsea Lately. She was suddenly getting a regular paycheck. “Not that money makes you happier, but it definitely makes everything easier,” says Kirkman. Between writing comedy, doing standup on the side and appearing fairly regularly on E!, she was getting the exposure she had always dreamed of. That’s why, she says, publishers approached her about writing a book about being childless. I Can Barely Take Care of Myself: Tales of a Happy Life Without Kids came out in 2013 and was a New York Times nonfiction best seller.
Kirkman was briefly married, but the marriage ended in divorce in 2011. She’s not completely against the institution of marriage, but, like having children, it’s just not for her. As she states in her Netflix special, “Nobody has farted in my bed for four years.”
She has always been able to find the humor in life, and she’s learned to let go of the things that were never meant for her. “Whenever I thought I should do one thing and that it would work out great, I was never right. And anything that has been totally worthwhile has come to me without even dreaming it,” says Kirkman.
For young women especially, Kirkman has become an alternative hero. She’s the funny, cool girl — the antithesis of the “princess” figures girls are told they should emulate. You don’t have to be in a relationship, have a conventional career, or have kids. You can hang out with whomever you want and run your own life. You’re allowed to make mistakes, laugh about them and move on.
Do this, Kirkman says, and the rest will fall into place: “I just trust that it will happen; whatever does will be fine. As long as I don’t self-destruct.”
