Dear Tell All: My wife and I are friends with a good-looking couple slightly younger than we are. Both of them are flirtatious, but especially the woman—a redhead with gorgeous eyes and a luscious body. I always enjoyed bantering with her in this way, and it was never anything out of the ordinary. I’m sure my wife didn’t give it a second thought.
But in September something weird happened. We were at their house for a cookout, and I went into the kitchen to help the redhead while my wife and friend stayed on the porch. As we chatted near the sink, she lightly rubbed her hand along my thigh. It was an unmistakable come-on, and I have to admit I didn’t discourage it. We looked into each other’s eyes without saying anything, then went back to the porch.
I didn’t say anything to my wife, because I truly never expected anything to come of it. But recently the redhead emailed me at work to let me know her husband would be on a business trip in January and ask me if I cared to stop by for lunch then, on a weekday.
I have to say that I really, really want to do it. I’m intensely attracted to this woman and can’t believe I have a chance to do something about it. The way I see it, we’ll hook up this one time and then go back to the way things were. It’s purely physical and doesn’t affect my marriage at all.
Is it permissible for me to commit this one little sin and not tell my wife about it?
Sneak
Dear Sneak: I’m not one to judge sinners who leave their relationships for someone else. Woody Allen’s infamous dictum — “the heart wants what the heart wants” — makes sense to me in many situations. To put it another way: love trumps duty. As an incurable romantic, I’ll usually defend that philosophy, forgiving the sinners no matter how much of a mess they make.
But I don’t think Woody’s words work in your situation. You’re not talking about love. You’re talking about getting off with an available hottie and lying to your wife and friend about it. That’s a less forgivable sin.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t go ahead with it. People have always had affairs and always will, and there are worse things you can do on this earth. But if you’re looking to be let off the hook morally, you’ve come to the wrong place.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
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