Dear Tell All: My new-ish girlfriend—it will be a year this spring—has gone all in for presidential candidate Bernie Sanders. This surprises me, given her strong devotion to feminism. I would have expected her to support Hillary Clinton as the Democratic nominee. That’s what I’m doing, and it’s causing tension in our relationship, to the point where we might break up.
My girlfriend makes the standard arguments for Sanders: He’s the pure progressive. He hasn’t compromised. He has the proper perspective on economic inequality. I agree with her about all that, but to me it means nothing in terms of supporting a presidential candidate. Why would you support a purist who can’t win a general election? What’s the advantage of voting your conscience if it leads to crushing defeat?
My approach is more strategic: Support the most progressive candidate who can actually win. A candidate like that will necessarily make compromises, as Clinton has done. I don’t see that as a mark against her. I see it as proof that she’s a canny politician who can be effective in a country where at least half the people are conservatives.
The argument that threatens to ruin our relationship, though, is over supporting Hillary as the first potential woman president. I believe it’s a feminist gesture to do so, but my girlfriend literally screamed at me when I made that statement. She’s offended that a male would tell a female to vote for someone just because she’s a woman. According to her, a true feminist would make up her mind based on the issues, not on a candidate’s sex.
I screamed at her, too, when she suggested she might not vote for Clinton even if Sanders loses the nomination. How immature is that—stomping off when you don’t get everything you want?
I’m close to breaking up with her, and I’m sure she’s close to breaking up with me. The sad thing is, we really liked each other before the political season started in earnest last summer. Is there any hope for this relationship?
I’m Ready for Hillary
Dear Ready: I suggest that you focus on your similarities rather than your differences. Clearly, you and your girlfriend have almost the same political views, just as Clinton and Sanders have almost the same political views. The argument over which candidate is better doesn’t have to spell the end of the relationship.
If your girlfriend supported Sanders and you supported Cruz, I’d advise you to pack it in. But given your shared progressive goals, I hope you can unite for whichever candidate wins the nomination.
If you don’t, but still manage to stay together, I see little hope for the long term, Ready. Imagine that Clinton wins the nomination and Sanders supporters like your girlfriend sit out the general election. In that scenario, you’re both likely to be singing “Hail to the Chief” to Donald Trump, and I doubt your relationship could survive four years of that.
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