Dear Tell All: I have a dirty little secret. I’m aroused by the some of the recent news stories about sexual harassment by celebrity creeps.
Believe me, I’m not proud of this fact. I find the alleged behavior of Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, Louis C.K. and others to be abhorrent. I hope they’re brought to justice, and I feel the deepest sympathy for the victims. I would never engage in such behavior myself in real life.
But I believe in being honest with myself, and I have to admit that some of the sexual-harassment scenarios have been a turn-on for me. Mind you, I’m speaking purely in the realm of bedroom fantasy. I’m not turned on because real women have been harassed — just the opposite — but am titillated by the thought of roleplaying these scenarios with my girlfriend in the safe space of our apartment.
My question for you is: Should I tell her about these fantasies? She’s a strong feminist and has closely followed the sexual harassment news. We often talk about our disgust at the latest exposed perpetrators.
On the other hand, we also share our sexual fantasies with each other and sometimes act them out, to mutually ecstatic effect. I’ve valued our openness with each other and wonder if I can be open about this iffy turn-on.
Law-Abiding Fetishist
Dear Fetishist: I’m a believer in letting oneself off the hook for sexual fantasies, within reasonable limits. Outside of those limits — the realm of criminal urges — it’s necessary to seek help.
If I’m to take you at your word, your fetish seems within the limits. You claim you would never commit these crimes in real life, and you profess a hatred of the accused sexual harassers. Fantasies of sexual dominance are common and can be fun among consenting partners.
Does that mean you should propose a Louis C.K. roleplay with your girlfriend? I have my doubts. All of decent society is gagging over the nonstop sexual-harassment revelations, including your feminist girlfriend. If ever there were a wrong moment for the kind of confession you describe, it would be now.
In other words, Fetishist, it’s a good time for you to display a quality that’s sorely lacking among the celebrity harassers: restraint.
Do you have a question about life or love in Madison?
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