Dear Tell All: I'm secretly besotted with a popular, handsome coworker. A couple of boxes of Kleenex and a few (flushed) sonnets later, I've accepted that I'm being a damn fool. (Opposites only attract in the movies. Sorry, kids.) So the game plan has been to avoid the water cooler until the feeling fades.
So far, so painfully good. The problem? The impending holiday party. I fear my poker face will shatter before we get to "Auld Lang Syne." The prospect of small talk with Dreamboat's plus-one is squirmable. Good grief, what if we're seated at the same table? This is enough to make me lock up the little black dress and trash my RSVP. Thoughts?
Dear Grinchette: I feel your pain, but at the same time I have problems with most of the statements in your letter. Let's take them one by one.
1. "I'm secretly besotted with a popular, handsome coworker." There's nothing more fun than being besotted -- that is, unless you keep it a secret from your handsome, popular coworker. That approach is guaranteed to a) make you unhappy and b) get you no results whatsoever.
2. "I've accepted that I'm being a damn fool. (Opposites only attract in the movies. Sorry, kids.)" You are not being a damn fool for having a crush. You are being a damn fool for thinking that you're a damn fool. Sorry, Grinchette, but opposites attract all the time in real life. I'm sure readers could provide you with plenty of anecdotal evidence.
3. "I fear my poker face will shatter before we get to "Auld Lang Syne." Obviously, your strenuous attempts to maintain a poker face have caused you pain. I don't recommend letting it "shatter" -- that's probably not the best look for you -- but how about at least getting Dreamboat into a corner at the party and making sure he notices your little black dress?
My advice, Grinchette, is to pull that sonnet out of wherever you flushed it and slip it into Dreamboat's office mailbox before the party. You might want to consider these lines for the couplet:
We haven't talked too much, but how bout tryin'?
Come and find me after "Auld Lang Syne."
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