Not only was the 'damn this is creamy!' custard palatable, he said, but it also dripped down his wrist like he was an eight-year-old.
Driving long distances in Wisconsin can be hazardous to your stomach -- and your mind. When eateries are few and far between on long stretches of highway, the gurgling sounds from the gut summon obscene thoughts! How to roast the cow in the field or sauté the hairy dude in the passenger seat become hallucinations in times of hunger.
On a trip back from the House on the Rock, I gave in to my animalistic needs in an effort to not eat my steering wheel. The grease pit known as Culver's was notorious in my mind as a haven for trans fat junkies, even though it converted to zero gram trans fat cooking on March 1. So I hunkered down for deliciously decadent dining.
During my first encounter with this restaurant, I sampled the signature Butter Burger, made in the plainest form with cheese and some ketchup. I only ate half of it -- I split the rest with my wingman. The two of us figured the burger to be a snack to hold us over, since we had brainstormed about where we would go to dinner after we arrived back to downtown Madison. But a mere six hours later, we were still filled to the brim with the salty, slippery sandwich.
The sandwich had longevity!
But what of the famous Culver's custard? I wondered if this delicacy had the same nutritional stamina as the burger, but my allergy kept my tongue from chillin' with the cool kids. So I took a compadre out for observational purposes. Not only was the "damn this is creamy!" custard palatable, he said, but it also dripped down his wrist like he was an eight-year-old, allowing him to enjoy his dessert with child-like abandon. Between the sundae smiles and the ear-to-ear grins of the cheery employees, Botox was clearly unnecessary here.
I once worked with a woman who told me her grandma had perfect, wrinkle-less skin because she moisturized with butter. I thought it was daft -- one's face is not a potato! But she was onto something! Trans fats? Scam fats! Take that anti-carb-anti-fat-no-taste-saccharin culture! I fended off hunger with just a few ounces of lipid-bathed meat, and my compadre morphed into a giddy Power Rangers dork with just a few licks of his vanilla cone!
This seems to signify something deeper than delicious, more scintillating than scrumptious! Now I am not a physician, nor am I a licensed nutritionist, or a member of the FDA, PETA or NRA, but I do know this -- Culver's might just be the fountain of youth of my Gobstopper dreams!
