Dylan Brogan
Jeni Porsch was one of 244 people who competed in this year’s Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw on Aug. 31 in Prairie du Sac.
Six-time Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw champion Liz Wood of Prairie du Sac walks up to the chuckin’ line barefoot. Announcer Bob Egan reminds fans that they are in the presence of grass-fed greatness.
“She’s not only the current Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw champion, she went to Beaver, Oklahoma, [in 2018] and won the world championship,” Egan tells the crowd gathered for the 2019 state cow chip throw on Aug. 31. “No pressure.”
After loudly cheering the hometown hero, spectators crowding the bleachers alongside the poop pitch fall silent. Wood narrows her eyes and lightly grips the dry cow dung with both hands. She takes three steps and shifts the momentum on to her back leg while dropping her throwing arm low to the ground. The fecal frisbee soars 127.7 feet before landing silently — it’s one of the longest throws of the day.
This is Wood’s ninth time in the beloved Wisconsin competition, now in its 45th year. She knew she had a knack for the sport when she won the women’s competition in 2011 at age 18, the very first time she picked up a cow chip.
“I’m a softball player so I had a natural throw and I just kind of molded it for throwing a chip,” Wood says. “You don’t want the chip to be too big or it’s awkward to throw. I tend to go for the smaller ones.”
As Wood is explaining her technique, we hear Egan warn, “Coming in hot.”
“Oh jeez,” exclaims Wood, as a wayward patty from another competitor pelts a spectator in the face. Only their ego is bruised. It’s all part of the fun of a sport that anyone can watch for a buck and enter for $5.
Nearly 250 people are competing in this year’s chip throw. In May, a fresh batch of cow poop was collected at a chip picking party — convened by the official Meadow Muffin Committee — from the Litscher farm on Highway O near Sauk City. A full wagon of carefully selected chips is needed for the competition. Chips need to be a minimum of 6 inches across for regulation play and no gloves are allowed when tossing.
“Number 30,” announces Egan, calling the next competitor up to throw. “Or as they say around here, number turdy.”
Plenty of locals are vying for glory, along with chuckers from Georgia, Maryland, North Carolina, Illinois, Florida, Michigan, Colorado, Israel, Italy and Kosovo.
Riina Vähämurto, an exchange student from Finland, doesn’t quite know what to make of the scene as she readies herself for the first of her two chip tosses. Egan delights in the opportunity to share the mostly Midwestern practice of competitive cow pie flinging.
“Is this your first time? Welcome to America!” says Egan, eliciting laughs from the crowd. “Nothing like throwing a cow chip.”
Wood is the current leader in the women’s division. But her toss only gets her to the finals. The 10 top throwers in the preliminary round — for both men and women ages 16 and up — then get two more tosses to determine the champion.
After several hours of studying how the best chuckers chuck, my number is finally called to start selecting chips. The pies are lighter than I expected and have the consistency of a dried sponge. I detect no obvious odors as I try to eye out the best pieces of poo from the hundreds before me. Pat McCann is here from Illinois for the annual gathering at Marion Park. He competed last year, too.
“One of my chips came apart in the air last year but my other throw was pretty good,” says McCann. “We came up last night just to throw some shit again. I think the secret is a thick chip.”
The Wisconsin state cow chip throw attracts serious athletes, as well as eccentrics. Ted Nonov — who tosses right before me — wears a costume for the occasion.
“And now we got Number 67 — a cigar-smoking nun,” announces Egan, as Nonov inches up his habit so he can take a running start.
“I never even heard of this until last week,” the “Sister” mumbles at me with the stogie clenched between his teeth. “Good luck.”
Results from the 2019 Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw:
Newcomer Jen Moran wins the women’s division with a 110-foot throw.
Jordan Powers wins the men’s division with a 200.8-foot throw. He came in third place in 2018.
2018 world champion Liz Wood in fourth place with 102.5-foot throw.
Isthmus writer Dylan Brogan places 42nd with 111.8-foot throw.
Current record-holders for the Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw since 1975:
18-time state women’s champion Terry Wallschlaeger from Oak Creek with 157.5-foot throw in 2005.
12-time state men’s champion Greg Neumaier from Prairie du Sac with a 248-foot toss in 1991.
Slogans from past Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throws:
“Happy Moolennium”
“Vote for Chippy! Outstanding in his field”
“When eagles soar and cow chips fly”
“Shape up or CHIP OUT!”
“Poop Scoopin’ Boogie”
“25 years and we still give a chip”
“SeSquishyChipTennial”
“Pirates of the Cowibbean”
