I was a little concerned that nothing funny would happen this week and then, right on cue, Team Romney came through. The Mitt had just won the Illinois primary going away and snatched up the coveted (if chilly) endorsement of Jeb Bush when one of his advisors went on TV to talk about the Etch A Sketch.
Like me, I guess Eric Fehrnstrom had the iconic toy as a child, and apparently loved it so much that he now uses it on the Romney campaign trail. Fehrnstrom described how once Mitt sews up the GOP nomination this summer, he'll hit "the reset button" on his positions and start over -- "like shaking up an Etch a Sketch."
This may have been a poor choice of analogies, no matter how fond we all are of the plastic tablet. It led us to believe that maybe Romney has no core belief system and that his positions are as fleeting as the ink (or whatever it is) on an Etch A Sketch. This is ridiculous, of course, because nothing except for Romney's long record and countless public statements pandering to whatever crowd he happens to be standing in front of could lead a person to that outrageous conclusion.
Predictably, his remaining opponents jumped on the Etch A Sketch bandwagon. Rick Santorum said that his own positions were "carved in stone," making a not-so-subtle reference to the fact that nowhere in the Bible is it said that God gave Moses the Ten Commandments on an Etch A Sketch. No, the Word of God was written in stone, just as is Rick Santorum's position on the capital gains tax, which matches God's by the way.
Meanwhile, Newt Gingrich handed an Etch A Sketch to a kid at a rally and said sarcastically, "here, now you can be president." Reports that the kid than promptly used the toy to skillfully draw a middle finger aimed at Newt are unconfirmed, but must be true.
And, Ron Paul said he had never heard of such a "new-fangled darn thing" as the Etch A Sketch.
The whole group will bring their Etch A Sketches to Wisconsin, as we're the next stop on the reality show. Oh boy.
Closer to home, strange things are happening in Clintonville, up near Green Bay. Sounds like explosions or door slamming have been heard at night in those parts, and there was no clear explanation of what caused it. One woman says that the vibrations have produced cracks in her basement. But I know what it is. It's Clinton. That's right. A giant beloved former president is racing through the springtime woods after a giant Monica Lewinsky, sort of like the famed Hodag in that neck of the woods.
Finally, in sports, March Madness rolls on with the Wisconsin Badgers and the Marquette Golden Eagles advancing to the Sweet Sixteen, despite the fact that my brackets didn't show either of them making it that far. Bucky had the good graces to bow out narrowly to Syracuse last night, but it doesn't matter. I didn't even bother to look at my brackets after Sunday night.
But I've got another chance. That's because the real excitement is over the NCAA men's hockey tournament, which starts this weekend.
In my brackets, I picked Boston College to beat Air Force, because Boston is a great town. I picked Maine to beat Minnesota-Duluth, because nobody thinks about Maine at all and I'm always for the underdog, even against Duluth. I picked Boston University to beat Minnesota just to continue the pro-Massachusetts, anti-Minnesota theme. I've got North Dakota beating Western Michigan, because North Dakota has the lowest unemployment rate in the nation, so I figure a winning hockey team will make them really swagger. I have no idea what North Dakota swagger would look like. Let's find out. I've got Michigan beating Cornell to make up for picking against Western Michigan against North Dakota (I don't feel as strongly about Michigan as I do about Minnesota -- in the negative) or Massachusetts (in the positive). I've got Ferris State beating Denver because I've never heard of Ferris State. (Maybe it's in Maine.) Massachusetts-Lowell should beat Miami because they're from Massachusetts, and it's just wrong to have a hockey team in Miami. And finally I've got Union beating Michigan State because, like Ferris State, I've never heard of a school named Union and also because I don't want to be known as being anti-Union.
That's all for now. Have a good weekend, kids.
